A and L's MMMMA of a Lost Epic Quest
by Shiggity Shwa
Summary: Abby and Lizzie’s Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest, the title says it all....
1. The Sasserific Cockpit Walk and LeafPla

_Hey guys, I finally found Lizzie, and while she was over at my house for like infinity days, we decided to make a story of what exactly would happen if we were on the island. Basically it goes through each episode taking important events and putting us there. It's a LOT of dialogue, but that's what makes it funny (Character interactions and what not).  
You'll also have to excuse our sheer stupidity, because that is solely the only chemical this story is running on. _

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 1 

The Sasserific Cockpit Walk And Leaf-Planes

"Oh my God, what is that ringing in my ears?" Lizzie asked as she and Abby ambled down the beach, her hands clamped to her ears, "It's like a if a car alarm and a skipping stereo had a baby."

"It's that girl in pink," Abby explained as they stopped momentarily.

"What girl?" Lizzie questioned, glancing around.

"That one," Abby stressed pointing in the direction of a platinum blonde girl, wearing a pink miniskirt, and screaming her head off.

"I don't see a girl," Lizzie expressed, still taking awkward glances now and then.

"Maybe that crash did hurt you," Abby pondered.

"OH! Do you mean that one?" Lizzie queried pointing to the girl. Abby gave her a smirk and she continued, "I thought she was a cardboard cut out of Paris Hilton."

"Yeah, whatever, let's get out of here, all this screaming and flaming plane stuff is giving me bad vibes," Abby suggested as they walked away into the jungle.

* * *

Later that night after meeting some of the passengers of flight 815, and then some survivors, the girls decided it was best to stay with the ragtag group of forty-eight, rather then take all the food and head into the jungle, they at least deserved a chance, and some of the guys weren't half bad looking.

"We must have been at about 40,000 feet when it happened. Hit an air pocket. Dropped, maybe, 200 feet. The turbulence was: I blacked out," Jack explained while sailing the leaf-plane through the air.

"Pansy," Lizzie expressed as she crossed her arms and received a glare, "What, I didn't pass out."

"And where were you in the plane?" Jack questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I was in the back right when it ripped off, it felt like I was being sucked into a tornado…WHICH WAS FRICKIN' AWESOME!" she yelled while flailing her arms.

"Hey, where'd you get the plane?" Abby questioned.

"It's not a plane!" Lizzie announced.

"He made it from a leaf," Kate stated, rolling her eyes.

"Hey Miss Sassy Pants, we were asking him," Lizzie responded.

"You had time to make a freaking leaf plane?" Abby questioned.

"Yeah…"

"Weren't you supposed to be saving people?" Lizzie asked as she leaned back in the sand.

"Yeah, while you were making toys out of leaves, Lizzie and I checked the cockpit to see if we could find the magazine we had on the plane so that we could finish our crossword puzzle," Abby enlightened arrogantly.

"You two know where the cockpit is?" Kate and Jack both almost screamed.

"No, we just we're there looking for our magazine for no reason!" Lizzie answered.

"It looks like you'll be taking me there tomorrow," Jack informed.

"I'll take you anywhere," Abby replied seductively, Lizzie let out a sigh.

"Look if you guys are going, I'm coming with you," Kate informed stubbornly as she crossed her arms.

"Well since you asked so nicely…" Abby muttered.

"Yeah, sure, you can come. We'll make a day of it, you bring the picnic blanket, I'll bring the feta cheese, Abby can bring the pasta," Lizzie replied sarcastically, "And Rock Star Boy you come too," she yelled at a passer byer.

"What?" he asked confusedly.

"I don't even know who that is," Jack disclosed.

"Oh, Rock Star Boy meet Dr. Leaf-Plane and Some Girl."

* * *

We could've found it on our own," Kate commented sassily as the group of five trudged through the jungle.

"We'd never have found it, besides they say they've been there," Jack informed, "It's all we can go on."

"They're also the two girls who kept screaming there was something on the wing the entire plane flight," Kate reminded, "I don't think they're very trustworthy."

"May I remind you that the plane DID crash!" Abby yelled with her hands cupped around her mouth

"And that I'm rubber and you're glue," Lizzie hollered up from the ten feet that separated the survivors. She looked over to Charlie and suddenly remembered, " Hey, you're supposed to sing!"

"I just bloody climbed a hill for forty minutes," he exclaimed out of breath.

"I don't care if your little hobbit feet can't climb that far, you shouldn't have volunteered to come!" She shouted.

"I didn't—"

"SING!" She screamed so loud through the hollow jungle that birds flew out from around neighboring trees.

"I can't I…"

"I'm gonna hold my breath until you do!" She informed as she plugged her ears and expanded her cheeks with air.

"Not this again," Abby muttered, "Last time she did this, our school got a massive lawsuit after she fell off the stage from lack of oxygen."

"Alright, alright," Charlie yelled over Lizzie's childish chants, "I'll bloody sing."

Lizzie stopped walking, as did Abby. They both stood patiently awaiting to hear a song, "You ALL everybodah, you ALL everbodah!"

"Beautiful," Lizzie commented.

Charlie smiled a large grin, "You guys must be big fans."

"We know good music when we hear it," Abby informed.

He smiled again, and continued, "You all—"

"Guys," Jack sighed as he and Kate stood a few feet before them, impatiently waiting, "We have to get to the cockpit before dark," he stressed politely.

Charlie nodded his head in grim understanding. But Abby and Lizzie didn't take the comment so lightly.

"Your mom everbodah!" Lizzie sang in falsetto as they kept walking.

Abby sniggered and caught her drift, "Go to hell everybodah."

"You suck everybodah!"

"SHUT UP!" Kate yelled as her body swung around to face the playful girls, "This is serious, we're lost, on some island, and it's vital we get to the cockpit!"

"Shut up everybodah!"

"I swear if you—"

"Hey," Lizzie shouted out suddenly, after having an epiphany, "Didn't I see you in one of those late night adult commercials?"

"What were you doing watching late night adult commercials?" Jack questioned with a disturbed look to his face.

"Who cares about that, what was she doing on them?" Abby asked pointing to Kate.

* * *

"Wow, they've been in that cockpit for thirty minutes," Abby informed as they two girls leaned against the cool metal siding of the plane.

"No more like half an hour," Lizzie corrected.

"They bitched too much when we said we didn't want to go in, I mean, God, if I wanted to see dead bodies, I get a job at a morgue or something," Abby declared.

"Yeah, if I wanted to see dead bodies, I'd go into the cockpit."

Suddenly an unearthly screeching came from the jungle, accompanied by large banging footsteps, "Looks like Jack's mom finally got up," Lizzie informed with a yawn.

"Hey, leave him alone, he's a doctor okay," Abby reminded.

"I didn't do anything to him, it was his mom."

With another large bang the plane fell flat to the ground, and the screams of Kate could be heard for miles, "Don't they ever stop with the screaming?" Lizzie questioned as she pulled popcorn from her purse.

Another shriek followed and the monster revealed itself to the girls, then flew away quickly as the plane banged with the running footsteps of the survivors.

"COME ON!" Jack yelled as he tore across the opening to the jungle, "It's on our trail!"

Abby and Lizzie sent a sideways glance at each other, then at their companions running into the jungle, "Except that it's not," Abby informed while Lizzie still munched away.

"How do you know?" Kate sassed.

"Because we saw it," Abby replied with equal sass.

"You saw the monster?" Jack asked now running towards the girls, along with Charlie and Kate.

"Uh huh," Lizzie disclosed with her mouthful.

"Well, what'd it look like?" Jack asked eagerly

Lizzie swallowed, "It kinda looked like…"

"What?" Jack asked excitedly.

"YOUR MOM!" Lizzie shouted then almost fell over with laughter.

All three of them rolled their eyes as they began to rail off into the jungle in the direction of the beach.

"Seriously though," Charlie pleaded, "What'd it look like?"

"Well, it kinda looked like that thing. You remember Lizzie? That one time when we went to that place with the stuff?" Abby began.

"Yeah!" Lizzie replied, "With the things that were all freaky and that metally magigger with that stuff that came out that one part!"

"No no no," Abby shook her head in disagreement, "That other thing, that one with the stuff that came off it's thingies that had all that fluffy crap on it and then it had that other thing and---"

"Look," Kate swung around again, abruptly stopping the walking line, "Either tell us or don't tell us okay?"

"Okay, have you seen that movie, 'House on Haunted Hill'?" Abby questioned as Lizzie rummaged through her purse and pulled out a diet root beer and a swirly straw.

"No," she shook her head.

"It looked like the monster in that," Abby explained.

"Yeah, and it's gonna come and say, 'But Kate, you'll miss my show!' and go all…" With the end of her sentence Lizzie began flinging her arms around wildly, and making interesting sounds.

"This. Is. Serious!" Kate yelled, "We went to the cockpit to find…"

"Your lover?" Lizzie interrupted.

"The transceiver, it's the only way we can get back to civilization."

"A transceiver?" Abby questioned blankly.

"It looks like a walkie-talkie," Jack informed helpfully.

"Oh, this thing?" Abby asked as she pulled the transceiver from her back pocket.

"You had it the whole time!" Jack yelled.

"Yeah, we were playing cops and robber with it," Lizzie announced and received skeptical glances.

"Like this," Abby offered as she flipped around the device, "Khrrrrr, officer down, request for back up!"

"Abs, you got it backwards again," Lizzie informed.

"Son of a bitch!" Abby yelled back, "That's like the infinitith time!"

"Look can I just have it?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, sure," Abby agreed handing over the transceiver, "But the battery ran out, Lizzie took them to put in her camera and do those things ever eat batteries," she let out with a laugh.

Suddenly the mangled body of the pilot fell out of a nearby tree, landing in a nearby puddle. All five survivors stared at it wide-eyed and in shock. Lizzie pulled out her camera and began snapping shots of the body, but no one dared to say a word until Charlie uttered, "Guys, where are we?"

"We're in the freaking jungle," Lizzie answered.

_

* * *

That's the end of chapter one, we would love to know what you think so future chapters can be worked on!_


	2. I Spy French Woman

_Hey guys, I have to tell y'all that Lizzie's gone again, and I super swore not to write an of this story unless we were together. But in one day we did manage to write 5 or 6 chapters ( forget which one) So I'll update every couple of days. __Another thing you should know (Lizzie would probably want you to know this) Is that while this was being written at 4 in the morning, we were watching the Spice Girls Movie (I like the drill instructor, seriously, if he was a real person, Ethan'd better move over)  
**And sadly we do not own 'The Sawyer Song' no matter how much we love it. It belongs to geniuses, definitely not us.  
**And since I forgot last time…  
_**  
Disclaimer: Neither Lizzie nor I own any piece of Lost in any shape, form, color, piece, or time. We're just two very obsessed best friends, who like to annoy the shit outta people. **

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 2 

I Spy French Woman

"I can't believe you volunteered us to go on another friggin' walk," Lizzie mumbled as she dragged her feet through the dirt.

"Jack said they needed extra people," Abby explained.

"Jack can suck my ass, I want to go lie down," she muttered.

"You girls are fallin' behind," Sawyer yelled with a smirk knowing he was going to get a response that would likely tick off Kate.

"You can suck my fallin' behind!" Lizzie yelled.

"Speaking of fallin' behind, pull up your pants, plumber!" Abby screamed.

"Please, can't we just walk in silence," Sayid pleaded, "We should be close to receiving the transmission and silence would help a lot."

"More then a lot," Kate muttered.

"Alright Guy," Lizzie agreed, "But only because we like you."

Five seconds later the group reached the bottom of the giant mountain that they had to climb.

"OH MY GOD!" Lizzie screamed seeing the size of the climb.

"Just calm down," Abby suggested.

"I'm not going to freaking 'calm down', I have to climb Mount freaking Everest!" she yelled.

"God, shut up!" Shannon finally snapped.

"Don't you start on me Princess, I'll…." Lizzie stopped short when Boone approached Shannon, "Hello, since when have you been on this trip to hell?"

"Umm, since the beginning," he stated.

"Oh really, why don't you walk back here with me?" Lizzie questioned.

"Yeah, we're under our eyebrows quota," Abby added.

**

* * *

"Knock knock," Lizzie declared.**

"Who's there?" Abby asked.

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock?"

"Oh my God, shut up!" Shannon screeched.

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock!"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock!"

"Be quiet!" Kate demanded in a low, serious voice.

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Knock knock?"

"SHUT UP!" Sawyer yelled as he swung around angrily, "I can't take it anymore, you two are too damn annoying!"

"I can't help it!" Lizzie argued, "Do you know how much I've walked in the last day? Like infinity steps!"

"Girls, just please play another game," Sayid asked politely.

"Okay," they both agreed.

"I spy with my little eye," Lizzie began, "Something that is green!"

"The trees?" Abby asked quickly.

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eye, something that is brown," Abby stated.

"The trees?" Lizzie questioned.

"You got it!" Abby replied happily.

"Oh God," Kate muttered.

"I spy with my little eye, something that is green!"

"The trees?

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eye, something that is brown!"

"The trees?"

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eye, something that is green!"

"The trees?

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eye, something that is brown!"

"The trees?"

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eye…"

"Oh my God! Shut up okay? Just shut up!" Shannon yelled as her face turned red.

"Something bitchy," Lizzie stated glaring at Shannon.

"Shannon!" Abby answered happily throwing her arms up in the air.

"Yep!"

"I spy with my little eyes, something that is brown!" Abby announced

"THE TREES!" Kate yelled angrily, obviously having lost all patience for the girls.

"You can't play!" Abby yelled back then turned to her friend, "Lizzie?"

"She stole my answer," Lizzie complained.

"We're almost at a clearing, we'll stop there for food and rest," Sayid informed.

"Good, I'm hungry," Abby stated, "Do you have any snacks in there?" she asked pointing to Lizzie's purse.

"I think I have some soya beans," Lizzie mumbled as she rifled through her bag with one hand, "Here's a soya," she divulged pulling out a bean.

"And there's a soya," Abby pointed out, looking in the large bag as well.

"And another little soya," Lizzie added pulling out a pint-sized bean.

"Eww, fuzzy soya!" Abby screamed as a moldy bean came out of the bag.

"Funny soya," Lizzie giggled as an over-sized demented bean fell into Abby's hand.

"Soya," Abby yelled as she found another.

"Soya," Lizzie smiled with pride as she pulled out another bean.

"Lock?" they both said in unison as a locker lock plopped out of the bag.

"I've got something on the transceiver!" Sayid shouted happily and for the first time, Abby and Lizzie noticed the group huddled away from then listening to the message.

"It's in French," Kate stated.

"Yeah I got that," Abby rolled her eyes.

"The French are coming, I've never been so happy to hear the French!" Charlie said giddily.

"But the French are strong!" Lizzie commented, receiving awkward glances from the group, "What they are!"

"I never took French, can anyone speak it?" Kate questioned.

"She can!" Boone stated pushing Shannon over, "She spent time in Paris."

"Drinking, not studying!" she yelled.

"There's a surprise," Abby muttered, "My grandmother can speak better French then you, and she's Hungarian!"

"Can you speak French?" Boone questioned.

"Don't get her started," Lizzie replied.

"Gimme the damn walkie-talkie," Abby stated ripped the device away from Sayid, "She saying help me, I'm alone, it killed them all, something about a black rock, and asking who put the Bomp in the 'Bompshubomp'." Kate sent her a glare, in which she replied, "I know, serious."

"Maybe they got rescued?" Kate suggested.

"Then why is the message still playin'?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah stupid," Lizzie muttered.

"So what killed them all?" Boone asked.

"It's the French!" Lizzie screamed.

"They're French!" Shannon screamed back.

"No, the French taught the people they wanted to keep alive to speak French because it's a strong language!" She argued.

"Why would they send out a distress call in a language their captures could understand?" Sayid questioned.

"It's the House on Haunted Hill thing," Abby declared, then turned to Kate, "And it's coming for you!"

"Guys," Charlie asked, "Where are we?"

"Seriously are you like hopped up on drugs or something because damn," Lizzie shouted.

_

* * *

On a final note, it should be mentioned that most of the things said and done in all chapters, have happened or occurred in reality, though not with Lost characters.  
The 'knock knock', 'I spy' incidents have actually happened on class trips, when Shannon translated the message when Lizzie and I first viewed the pilot I said the comment about my grandma, and Lizzie said 'The French are strong' comment over breakfast that morning.  
And Lizzie wanted to tell y'all that she's proud to have killed her husband and married Boone in our Sims neighborhood (I gave him big eyebrows). And that I'm having Ethan's baby! And I expect baby shower gifts!_

**Next Chapter**- Abby and Lizzie play the name game, and someone DIES! Muh ha ha ha


	3. A Strange Psychological Block

_Hey guys, we're so thrilled htat you loved the last chapters (Well Lizzie's not even here and I haven't talked to her yet, but I'm sure she's thrilled!) This chapter is short, but never the less effective.  
And Lizzie named this chapter! Which is why it makes no sense. _  
_  
_**This chapter is dedicated to my DAVEY-WAVEY! You reviewed Sweetie and I didn't even ask you to! AND, you've actually lived through most of the events in this story, and had to deal with Lizzie and I Lost-talking all the time. So kisses to you, because you (like Locke) are the sexy!  
**  
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 3 

A Strange Psychological Block

"How about Jate?" Abby questioned as she leaned back into the sand, her sunglasses riding high on her head.

"That's dumb, what about Kack?" Lizzie suggested pulling a granola bar out of her purse and breaking it in two.

"I don't even wanna think about what that could sound like," Abby stated with a disgusted look on her face. "What about blackjack."

"Sure," Lizzie replied pulling out a deck of cards from her purse.

"No, I mean like as a shipper name," Abby corrected.

"That doesn't even make any sense," Lizzie scoffed.

"Yeah it does, because it's a gamble," Abby giggled.

"What about Paris Hilton and Sayid," Lizzie wondered.

"I'm right here," Shannon informed angrily, "And my name is Shannon."

"You've got a cell phone, call someone who cares," Lizzie shot back.

"Shayid would be the obvious one," Abby disclosed.

"Shanyid!" Lizzie shouted happily, "Like Shanyid a Boone!"

"Ew, Swoon!" Abby yelled.

"It's what I do."

"No you idiot, Sawyer and Boone," Abby disclosed.

"AHH! No way, that'd never happen," Lizzie shook her head.

"Until Boone comes out of the forest with a pink Speedo," Abby giggled.

Lizzie sent her a glare until something on the waves caught her attention, "Hey, what's that?" she asked pointing to what looked like a drowning person.

"It's a drowning person," Abby shouted as she jumped up, "Someone's drowning!"

"Oh no Paris Hilton," Lizzie said monotonous.

"I'm right here!" Shannon screeched.

"Damn it!"

"I'll save you!" Boone yelled as he took off towards the water, stripping his clothes along the way.

"I told you he wore a pink Speedo," Abby muttered as the girls watched him jump into the ocean.

"My stupid brother just does things like that to get girls," Shannon scoffed as she painted her toenails.

"Well it's working," Lizzie replied still staring at Boone, "Wait what's happening?"

"I think," Abby squinted her eyes, "he's drowning."

"No! Boone!" Lizzie shouted as she, Abby and Shannon ran to the shore.

"He can't be, he's a life guard," Shannon informed.

"Yeah and you speak French. Shut up!" Lizzie yelled.

Suddenly Jin ran to the beach and into the water shouting something in Korean, "What's he saying?" Lizzie pondered.

"I don't know, I don't speak freaking Korean," Abby informed.

"I think he's going to save Boone," Kate informed as she and other survivors crowded around the beach.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Lizzie questioned.

"Look, Jin got Boone!" Abby shouted.

Lizzie squinted her eyes, "But now he's drowning too!"

"Someone should go get them!" Claire shouted.

"Oh my God, they're like freaking lemmings," Abby shook her head.

"I'll go," Jack informed heroically stepping forward from the confused crowd.

"Jack, no!" Abby shouted about to jump in his way until he discarded his shirt, "Jack go!" Abby yelled pointing towards where the trio was drowning.

A few moments later Jack came back with Jin and Boone, but not with the first drowning woman, "I couldn't find her."

"Cry on my shoulder baby," Abby told him comfortingly.

"Boone needs CPR though," Jack enlightened setting his lifeless body on the sand.

"I'LL DO IT!" Lizzie yelled body checking Jack out of the way and into the sand, "my precious Boone," she whispered happily and bent down to start compressions, but Boone woke up.

"Dammit! Go back to death," Lizzie yelled at him.

* * *

Everyone had settled down from the fiasco of the morning, and were relaxing lazily by the fire and in airplane seats.

"I guess everyone's had enough excitement for the day," Abby informed, when suddenly a knife whizzed through the air landing in the seat next to her, "I guess I was wrong."

"What the hell are you trying to do!" Lizzie yelled angrily.

"We need to go on a boar hunt," the man enlightened everyone, who graciously gave him their attention.

"Why we have all the food we need," Abby disclosed.

"Except you're not sharing it with anyone," he answered back

"Hee hee hee," Lizzie giggled while shoving a handful of Skittles in her mouth.

"I'll come," Michael offered and he walked up and accepted his knife from Locke

"I'll come, too" Kate offered, thinking that girls wouldn't come along.

"We wanna come!" Lizzie yelled as she and Abby pushed everyone out of the way.

Locke chuckled, "Here you go," he said while handing them knives.

"I changed my mind," Abby informed while strapping the knife to her waist.

"Yeah me too," Lizzie replied after dumping it in her purse.

"But you—"

"I have a knife!" Abby brandished, and with that both girls were exempted from the hunt.

"I'll come," Boone volunteered as stepping forward.

"I want back in," Lizzie yelled.

"Boone, you can't go," Jack disclosed, "You're still coughing up water."

"I don't wanna go anymore," Lizzie shouted once again, "I'll help you cough up water Boone."

With that the three said their goodbyes and headed out into the jungle. "Be safe," Jack called out.

"Have fun!" Lizzie screamed.

"Stay clean!" Abby added.

_

* * *

'Shanyid' is pronounced Sha-Need (Lizzie thought people would screw it up)  
__The drowning idea was actually the first thing we both said when we saw Joanna dying in 'White Rabbit'. We thought like everyone was going to just follow Boone out and drown. _  
_And FYI the Pink speedo thing was Lizzie's idea…Yeah the girl's just not right.  
And don't worry Lizzie's coming back from camping (Bringing me a postcard from Ontario like she promised!(We both live in Ontario…with Ethan) (Huzzah!) So new chapters will be written. _

And once again, thank you for your kind reviews (And Ethan Jr. presents (He just loves the gun, Boone almost lost an eyebrow)

**Next Chapter-**The girls rediscover Jack's fabulous caves and make plans for a roller disco


	4. Cave Fetishes And Coffin Beds

_Okay so Lizzie didn't come back because she sucks and I hate her. And there's only one chapter left (tearth) So You'll have to make due with this one for a while.  
_  
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 4

Coffin Beds and Cave Fetishes

"Where are we going again?" Lizzie asked as she and Abby walked behind the rest of the group.

"We're going to Jack's caves," Abby informed kicking a rock.

"And why is he so excited about it?" she questioned.

"It's a cave with fresh water, he found it and basically saved the rest of the survivors," Abby she clarified still kicking the rock along the jungle floor.

"So, I find a lot of things, you don't hear me bragging about it," Lizzie spat.

"It has a waterfall, and some rocks, and it's cooler, and it has some bamboo," Jack was explaining to everyone.

"Hey!" Lizzie shouted stepping on something, "Handcuffs."

"Oh man, we had to be on the one plane with sex freaks," Abby muttered as Lizzie picked them up.

"Stupid Sayid, he took our walkie-talkie," she reminded while swinging them around on her finger, "How the hell are we supposed to play 'Cops' now?"

"Let me see those," Jack demanded as he grabbed them from her finger. Charlie, Locke and Kate were now approaching to see what the big hoopla was about.

"Why won't anyone let me have fun!" Lizzie yelled, "I wanted to go into the jungle, you make me stay on the beach. I want to go skinny dipping and you make me keep my clothes on. I want to woohoo with Boone, all of you peer pressure him into not talking to me."

"Whose are they?" Jack asked staring at the handcuffs, completely ignoring Lizzie.

"Fine then, just ignore me." Lizzie mumbled as she kept walking ahead.

"Why don't you ask Kate, she was the one in the adult commercials," Abby reminded with an innocent smile.

"Hey, just because I did somethings…"

"Ah-ha! So it is true!" Abby laughed.

"Let's just keep going," Locke suggested.

"Fine," Kate said sending a glare to Abby.

"Fine," Abby growled sending a glare back.

As they kept walking, Lizzie yards ahead of them, Abby kicked the rock she's been dragging along with might, and it flew through the air, ricocheted off a tree and hit Kate in the back of the head.

"Ow!" Kate yelled as she stumbled forward.

"Muh ha ha ha," Abby laughed evilly.

"Guys!" Lizzie yelled from up ahead, "Look I found caves!"

"These are the caves I found," Jack informed with a smile.

"Finders keepers," Lizzie growled, "Look we can knock down this and use it as a garage for our cars!"

"Yeah and here," Abby pointed to another cave, walking inside of it, "We could get rid of the dead bodies and make a roller disco!"

"Oh my God! You are totally right!" Lizzie added as she ran over to Abby in a elated trance, "It'll be like that movie that John Travolta dances in!"

"Face Off?" Abby questioned unsurely.

"No."

"Primary Colors?"

"No."

"Grease?"

"No."

"Be Cool?"

"It's not important!" Kate yelled.

"She's right!" Abby agreed, "We need to start collecting silverware and tinfoil for the disco ball!"

"Yeah! And steal the wheels from the drink carts from the plane and weld them to our shoes for roller skates!" Lizzie agreed as the pair grabbed hands and jumped up and down happily.

"Oh my gosh, we totally have to get that Michael Jackson, Billy Jean floor going!" Abby reminded.

"Tru Dat! Jack you start collecting sheets of glass, Kate you start making the shoes, Charlie you can sing while we work and Locke since you got that creepy vibe about you, why don't you handle the dead bodies!" Lizzie ordered.

"Dead bodies?" Locke asked as he walked inside the cave and found two decomposing bodies.

"Oh my God," Kate gasped as she entered the cave, "Who are they?"

"I don't know," Jack answered as he examined the bodies closer.

"Where did they come from?" She asked still staring at the deceased.

"He doesn't freaking know! He just found them too stupid!" Lizzie yelled angrily.

"This is some sort of burial," Jack explained as he rifled through the bodies' pockets.

"I call all money!" Abby yelled.

"A burial for what?" Kate questioned.

"Jesus Christ lady," Lizzie sighed angrily, "Shut your mouth and open your ears."

Jack pulled a small sac out of the one bodies pocket. Turning it over, a white stone and a black stone tumbled out of it.

"Yahtzee!" Abby yelled as she grabbed the stones out of his hand and shoved them in her own pocket.

"What are those?" Kate questioned.

"They're freaking rocks! God!" Lizzie yelled as she walked around the cave,

"God it stinks, why didn't they just bury them in coffins."

"Oh my God! We should all have coffin beds!" Abby informed.

"I'll need help into mine," Lizzie told Jack seriously.

"Mine can have stairs!" Abby shouted happily.

"No, you get the dress, it's pink! I get the stairs," Lizzie divulged.

"Locke get on this."

"We have to decide what we're going to do with…"

"Hey, where's Charlie?" Lizzie asked as she pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"I didn't know you smoked," Locke informed as he glanced at her skeptically.

"I don't, I just started."

"When?"

"Now."

"Ahhh, bees!" Charlie yelled as he ran by the cave, a swarm of bees chasing him.

"Run," Jack yelled as everyone ran from the cave.

"No you think?" Lizzie replied as she started coughing on her cigarette.

"See, if we had coffin beds, we could've just gone to sleep!"

They all ran behind a nearby tree, "I have a plan," Jack divulged.

"No, your plan sucks, I have a plan," Abby informed, "Jack, you take off your shirt, Charlie you sing, Locke get to building the coffins and Kate run into the bees."

"Guys…" Charlie began to question, "Where are we?"

"Yeah Jack," Kate added, "Where are we?"

"Flippin' Christ," Lizzie muttered as she lit up another cigarette.

_

* * *

And that be chapter 4. The roller disco is my idea, I don't know why but 'Roller Disco' and 'Moltov Cocktail' are the most frequently used words in my vocabulary. Lizzie is also very short tempered when it comes to constant question askers, and Lizzie and I have actually made a Cop movie (As childish as that sounds) and we used walkie-talkies and everything, it was awesome, awesome to the max._

**Next Chapter**- The girls come across Locke in the jungle, who is less then sane on their way to save Jack from the cave in.


	5. The Moth Whisperer

_I know I've been away for a while, and by a while I mean like 2 years, but this will be my glorious comeback. Here is the said-to-be-a-myth 5th chapter of The Quest. More chapters are in the progress of being created and written. This is my personal favorite chapter. Enjoy!_

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 5

The Moth Whisperer

"Hi girls," Locke called out waving them over as he cleaned off a knife, "Where are you two off to?" The girls walked over to where Locke was, "We're off to the caves," Lizzie informed, "Jack got stuck in a cave-in."

"Why God?" Abby screamed, "Why are the beautiful ones so dumb?"

"Then why did you come to me?" Locke questioned.

"You asked us where we were going," Lizzie responded.

"Come here girls, I want to show you something," he told them suddenly, gesticulating to behind him.

"Man, I think I saw this on America's Most Wanted once," Lizzie mumbled as they walked over cautiously.

"I told you they were all sex freaks," Abby muttered back.

"What do you think is in this cocoon?" Locke asked as he pointed to a small green cocoon hanging off a tree.

"A moth," Lizzie questioned.

"Definitely a moth," Abby continued, "There are no butterflies 'round these here parts."

"You're both wrong," Locke interrupted, "No; it's much more beautiful than that. That's a moth cocoon."

"Umm…"

"It's ironic, butterflies get all the attention; but moth's they spin silk, they're stronger, they're faster," he informed.

"Thanks for the lesson in National Geographic, but we have to go help save Jack," Abby stated.

"You see this little hole?" he questioned pointing to the cocoon, "This moth's just about to emerge. It's in there right now, struggling; it's digging its way through the thick hide of the cocoon. Now, I could help it, take my knife, gently widen the opening, and the moth would be free."

"No, you'd probably spaz out and tear the thing to shreds," Lizzie informed.

"But it would be too weak to survive. The struggle is nature's way of strengthening it," he explained slyly.

"So you're saying we should leave Jack to rot in cave with a boulder on his shoulder so that nature can strengthen him?" Abby questioned confusedly.

"Duh, it's called survival of the fittest," Lizzie reminded.

"Ask me again," Locke stated, "And the drugs are yours."

"Alright," Abby shook her head, and grabbed Lizzie's forearm, "We're getting the hell out of here."

"But Abs, I want the drugs!" Lizzie whined as she was dragged back into the forest.

* * *

"How's it going?" Abby asked as she and Lizzie approached the caves.

"We've developed a way of communication to Jack, by rock bangs," Michael informed, "The letter 'a' is three bangs, the letter 'b' is four, and so on," he explained as he hit a rock against the cave.

"Michael," Jack's voice echoed through the caves, "I told you I don't understand the rock banging translations, and it's just causing more cave-ins!"

"Someone better go in for him," Hurley suggested.

"I'll do it," Charlie suggested, "Sun can't go, she has a husband, Boone you have a sister, Michael you have a son, I've got no one."

"What about Claire?" Lizzie asked, "Someone's got to love her."

"We'll go," Abby suggested, "No one would miss us."

"That's not true," Charlie stated.

"You know it is," Lizzie stated, "And besides Abby's already in the caves."

"What?" Charlie asked and then looked over to where the hole in the rocks had been made.

Abby sat in it like it was a slide, "See you later suckers," she laughed evilly and pushed herself down, "Wheeeee!" 

"I wanna go too," Lizzie shouted as she ran and dived through the hole head first.

In the bottom of the cave Abby fell gracefully to her feet, "Hey Jack," she whispered.

"Yeah?" he moaned.

"Me and Liz are here to save you."

"Oh God," he groaned.

"Except I don't know where she is," Abby disclosed as she turned on a flashlight, "Eww, I'm so dirty."

"Abby" Lizzie moaned from the slide tunnel, "I'm stuck."

"How could you possibly get stuck?" Abby yelled, "You're the skinnier one!"

"But I put on weight when I quit smoking!" Lizzie yelled back. With that another rumble of the cave came and Lizzie plopped out of the hole and onto the ground, "Eww I'm so dirty."

"We've got to get the rock off of Jack," Abby enlightened as she helped Lizzie up, "You push I'll pull."

"Okay," Lizzie agreed and walked over to the rock. The girls began frantically trying to move the rock, but it wouldn't budge.

"I don't get it," Abby panted, "We've been at this for like ten minutes and it hasn't moved and inch."

"Probably because you're not pushing the way she's pulling," Jack stated angrily.

"Look you wanna be rescued or not?" Lizzie muttered.

With that both girls pushed the same way and the rock rolled off with ease, "Hey look," Lizzie pointed to sunlight, "A hole."

"Dig," Abby shouted as they frantically began to throw dirt about the cave.

* * *

"Do you think they'll make it?" Hurley asked as he took a sip out of his teacup.

"I don't know, but this tea is excellent," Charlie stated as he curled his pinkie.

Abby, Lizzie and Jack rounded the corner, dirtied and huffing. They stopped abruptly when they noticed that everyone was sitting around having tea, rather then digging them out of the cave from hell.

"Thanks a lot guys," Lizzie muttered as she fell to the ground.

"You ate all the sugar cookies!" Abby screamed, "And no one was even looking for us!"

"Hey, that's not true," Boone gestured back to the caves, "Kate's been digging for like hours."

"Aww," Abby smiled, "See you really don't hate us."

Kate looked up, seeing Jack standing, smiling, and alive, tossed the rock she was moving. She ran across the caves and wrapped her arms around him giving him a hug.

"Hey!" Abby yelled, "Step off, girl friend!"

"Wait, where was Locke in all this?" Michael questioned as he placed his china teacup and saucer on a nearby boulder.

"He's out in the forest doing heroin and helping moths out of their cocoons," Lizzie stated still lying face down on the ground.

Then, coincidentally a moth fluttered by in the dying day light, then another, and another until at least ten moths were floating in the cool night breeze, "He's been a busy man," Abby informed.


	6. LoveBackseat

_I've worked a LOT on this story. I have up to chapter 10 written and ready to go_. _And for all you lovers of The Locke Problem, the second half is about halfway done, so expect it within a week or so_

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 6

Gonna Give You All My Love…In The Backseat

"It's so boring here," Lizzie muttered as her finger flicked at the large wad of key chains adorning her purse. "Nothing exciting ever happens. I mean sure there's a monster, and I'm sure people are gonna die, but right now it's boring."

"I know!" Abby agreed with a moan, "When am I gonna see blood? I mean the last time I did was when Boone got a nosebleed and threw that fit because he thought he was going to die."

"You leave him out of this, it's not his fault his sexy nose is sensitive to the harsh island life," Lizzie defended.

Abby looked to her left, and found survivors lying on beach blankets conversing and relaxing, when she turned her head to the right, the exact same thing greeted her, "What harsh island life. Face it, it's Spring Break all year round! We just need Carson Daily or Ashley Angel and some stupid music that has the lyrics, 'I'm gonna give you all my love in the backseat'"

Lizzie shook her head, "Water's too cold to swim today."

"What? Are you having a conversation with yourself again?" Abby questioned, "Because I think we missed a line there."

"Look, the only person stupid enough to go swimming was Sawyer, and now he's coming out to bug Kate," she paused and then giggled, "Sawyer's coming out"

Abby sighed, "If only the ocean was somehow a metaphor for a closet."

"Here he comes," a few seconds passed, "Wow his trunks must be down really low if..."

There was an awkward silence as both girls realized where exactly Sawyer's trunks were.

"Oh my God!" Abby screamed as she jumped up from the blanket, "Oh my God I'm blind! I'm blind!"

"It's burned into my brain!" Lizzie screamed as she scrambled to her feet and began to run on spot, "It's all I see, it's like when you look at a light too long and then you close your eyes and you can see the outline of it!"

"You had sunglasses on!" Abby shrieked, "You had protection, I got it full force, I'm gonna get eye cancer, I'll have cancer of the eye caused by Sawyer's lack of trunks!"

"We have to get out of here," Lizzie screamed, "Staying here is like staying at the scene of a crime."

"Let's tell Jack, maybe he can make it mandatory for Sawyer to wear spandex under all of his clothing in case of a wardrobe mishap," Abby suggested as she picked up her blanket and along with Lizzie fled into the jungle like a bat out of hell.

* * *

"This is serious," Jack informed with a stiff nod, "We need to get Shannon those inhalers."

"Jack!" Abby yelled as she ran into the cave area huffing for breath.

"Shannon's getting worse, Jack," Boone said nervously, "She's having a hard time breathing."

"Jack!" Lizzie cried as she kicked up dust with her feet upon entering the camp, "Jack it's scary!"

"I know," Jack agreed as he fell into a pensive thought, "There has to be someway we can get her inhalers."

"What?" questioned Abby and Lizzie at the exact same time.

"Shannon," Boone said sadly as he pointed to his sister who was falling into another coughing fit.

"Is she still coughing?" Abby questioned with a raised eyebrow, "Because she did that all night and I have trouble sleeping as it is…"

"Don't worry about her Boone," Lizzie blew off the situation.

"But she's my sister," he argued.

"I'll be your sister," Lizzie volunteered.

"I have no time to touch onwhat's wrong with that right now," Abby pushed Lizzie aside and stepped up to Jack, "There's a huge problem."

"Yeah, Shannon really needs her inhalers," Jack agreed.

"What inhalers?! Man, those things make you look so dorky," Lizzie stated from where she sat next to Boone.

"I know," Abby nodded, "My sister got one and from then on I just called her Milhouse."

"Sawyer has what we need," Jack grunted.

"Ugh," Lizzie moaned.

"We almost went three minutes without thinking about it," Abby muttered as her nose scrunched in disgust.

"How can I not think about it, It's like gouged into the inside of my eyelids," she cried, "Boone I need you to go skinny dipping, it's a matter of life and death."

"My sister could die!" he shouted angrily.

"Pfft," Abby blew a raspberry, "She'll be fine."

"Just breathe through your damn nose," Lizzie yelled, "God I knew you were blonde and a Paris Hilton look alike, but I didn't know you were Paris Hilton."

"That's a good idea," Jack agreed, "breathe through your nose."

As everyone began to crowd around Shannon again Abby turned back to Lizzie, "Come on, they're obviously not going to help us."

* * *

"We're going in the wrong direction," Abby spat, "We've passed this place before."

"Oh really?" Lizzie stopped walking, her hands on her hips, "Alright Mrs. I-Know-Everything, how do you know that?"

"Because my damn foot print is right here!" Abby screamed as her foot fit perfectly into the mold on the ground.

"Oh," Lizzie exclaimed, "Well maybe…" A faint sound of voices came from behind her.

"That's Jack," Abby brightened up, "And Sayid which means we're not lost anymore!"

Both girls began to run frantically to the sound of familiar voices and were almost to them when they both fell face first into the ground.

"What the shit!" Abby screamed as she rolled over and away from the obstacle that had tripped her.

"What the hell is this doing in the middle of the jungle!?" Lizzie yelled angrily as she kicked the thick, black cable with her running shoe, "It's not supposed to be here is it, Abs?"

"No," Abby shook her head as she stood up and glared daggers at the cable.

"Then why is it here!"

"Wait!" Abby grabbed hold of her best friend forearm, "Listen," there was a small pause of silence, "Someone was just tortured."

"No!" Lizzie cried, "We missed it!"

"Forget about the cable, I want to see the blood!"

They commenced running again, and within only a few minutes, found the clearing where Jack and Sayid stood.

Abby ran over grunting and grabbed a water bottle from Jack's open bag, and guzzled the liquid as Lizzie grabbed Sayid and began to dance happily.

"What's going on?" Jack questioned.

"We got lost," Abby informed as she threw the empty water bottle down on the ground and embraced Jack, "But we found you and now we're not lost anymore."

"It was horrible," Lizzie exclaimed, "terrifying even, we didn't know where we were, we were out there alone for days! We thought we were gonna die!"

"I saw you at the caves fifteen minutes ago," Jack informed as he pried Abby away from him.

"I saw you in the jungle less than three minutes ago as I walked here," Sayid reminded, "I asked if you were lost and needed help."

"It's all lies!" Lizzie yelled defiantly, with her hands clamped over her ears.

"Now you want to help us because you know you wouldn't have to do anything. You guys are just lazy," Abby spat, and with that both girls began to walk away from them.

"Don't go that way!" Jack declared.

"La la la!" Lizzie stuck her fingers in her ears and began to sing aloud, "We can't hear you."

"Eww, Lizzie I just thought of it again," Abby stuck out her tongue and squinted her eyes.

"We'll get over the trauma someday," Lizzie said as she put a reassuring hand on Abby's shoulder, "One day we'll wake up and…"

Both girls stopped suddenly as they came to a clearing with Sawyer tied to a tree. Kate sat crouched before him; the two were locked in a passionate kiss.

"Sweet Jesus!" Lizzie screamed as she spun around and turned her head towards the ground.

"Oh whore!" Abby yelled as she whipped of her glasses and threw them into the trees, "This is the worst day ever!"

* * *

_Just a few fun facts:  
Lizzie has everything imaginable in her purse, which is adorned with over 50 key chains  
"I'm blind, I'm blind" is what we really screamed the first time we saw the beginning of Confidence Man. I said that when I had kids and they were bad I was going to make them watch the beginning of the episode.  
My sister really does have an inhaler and I do call her Milhouse  
The song played about the backseat is from Gwen Stephani  
"Oh Whore" is my expression for anytime I screw up, or see anything surprising, or when I get angry  
Remember the way the characters Abby and Lizzie are written they are 100 accurate!_


	7. Peewee's Playhouse!

_Thanks to those who took the time to comment, we really appreciate it, though we would continue to write this just for the sheer joy.  
_

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 7

Peewee's Playhouse!

"I miss Sayid," Abby whined, she lay on a blanket in the sand on her stomach, her legs were kicking aimlessly through the air.

Lizzie looked up from her erotic harlequin novel, "Who?"

"Sayid, black hair, biggish nose, tortured Sawyer, told us not to put sand into the waterfalls?" Abby reminded incredulously.

"Oh him, he left?"

"Yes, he tortured Sawyer and he's the one who has to leave. Jeez, they should've just killed Sawyer, what happens on the island stays on the island," Abby informed.

"Yeah like that tattoo I got," Lizzie grinned evilly.

"And that old guy I hooked up with in the cockpit, which, not a bad place for hooking up," Abby added.

"And when we hazed those people into our group." Lizzie rubbed her hands together menacingly.

"Are they still locked in the bathroom?"

"Going on eleven days."

"That's nice," Abby smiled dreamily, "Oh look, here Jack and Kate, I'm intrigued by the nature of their relationship, but they're too far away to hear."

"We should do their voices!" Lizzie almost screamed, "I'll be Jack." With that said, she cleared her throat and in the highest voice she could muster, asked, "Looking for someone, or admiring the view?"

"I know I am," Abby giggled.

"Stick to character," Lizzie chided.

"Sorry, ahem, it's been two days since Sayid took off on his own. I keep looking up, thinking I'm going to see him coming back, I'm worried about him Jack, he's only one man, and this is an island, at least five times bigger than him!"

"Oh Kate, you silly, he just wants to find the French transmission, see when he finds it, then he can get to the emerald palace and ask the wizard for a wish," at the end of her sentence Lizzie added a very feminine twitter.

"Jack," Abby cried dramatically, "He left because of," she paused, "Because of you!"

"That was an accident, he stumbled and accidentally shoved sharpened bamboo shoots between Sawyer's finger nails," Lizzie defended, "You weren't there, I was, and that's what happened."

"Accidents happen Jack, when you torture people," Abby added theatrically.

"God, are you still on that, that happened like three days ago. Haven't you done anything exciting since then, we're on a freaking isolated island, going to the bathroom is an adventure in itself…"

Both girls started laughing hysterically, "Oh God," Abby chuckled, tears peeking at her eyes, "That was great."

"Let's go to the caves and pretend to pee in the water supply again," Lizzie jumped up, grabbing her purse.

"Alight, but sooner or later, people are gonna realize that teenage girls don't pee while standing up."

* * *

"You built a golf course?" Jack questioned skeptically.

"Well it's only two holes," Hurley answered somewhat ashamed of his project.

"That's not a golf course," Abby argued.

"Yeah, golf courses have different starting points for guys and girls and golf carts, and windmills and the bumps in the ground, and different colored balls," Lizzie argued.

"Ugh, I just thought of Sawyer," Abby stuck out her tongue.

"I think it's a great idea," Jack announced, obviously ignoring the girls, "People need to relax around here."

"Are you serious?" Abby asked, "All they do is lie on the beach, I pretty sure Shannon hasn't moved for three days, she may even be dead. And Claire, God don't get me started on her."

"Claire's pregnant," Hurley reminded.

"So, God that means she can't do anything, "I can't move", "I can't walk", "I can't carry that large piece of sheet metal from the engine for you and Lizzie so you can make it the roof of your playhouse." I'm going to be surprised if she delivers her own damn baby."

"Playhouse?" Jack questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh no," Lizzie wagged her finger at him, "You wouldn't let us have our roller disco, or our coffin beds, there's no way your getting into our playhouse."

"Yeah!" Abby added as she stood akimbo, "Two Peewee's are enough!"

"Jack!" Kate yelled as she stumbled into the clearing, almost out of breath, "Jack Sayid's back, he found the source of the French transmission."

"Was it someone French?" Lizzie asked with excitement.

* * *

"I walked along the beach, until a found a large black cable," Sayid explained as Jack examined his leg, "I followed it until I came to a wire trap, I thought I'd found away around it but I triggered it and was flung upside down for many hours."

"Ha!" Lizzie laughed, everyone turned towards her incredulously, "Sorry," she muttered.

"What would a cable be doing in the middle of the beach?" Kate questioned.

"If that weren't confusing enough, it went straight out into the ocean," Sayid added.

"Pfft, that cable is old news," Abby informed with a wave of her hand, "Liz and I found it a few days ago when we were lost."

"You found the cable?" Jack questioned.

"Yeah, how else do you think we get cable for our playhouse?" Lizzie responded, "Hey! We did find it, that means that it's our cable and no one else can touch it."

"I believe that someone must have placed the cable on this island, and therefore it belongs to them," Sayid explained.

"Well they can kiss my ass, it's my cable now," she declared, her arms crossed defiantly.

"Are we even going to talk about the French woman Sayid found?" Kate asked with irritation.

"That's not important!" Abby answered, "The important thing is if there's one cable, there might be another one, and if there is, do you think it has internet access? Because my email inbox only had a little bit of room left on it."

"That's impossible," Jack began.

"Not really, I keep getting spams and I save the ones with funny titles," Abby stated.

"No the French woman, how has she survived on this island so long?" Jack questioned.

"Yeah we've only been here like two weeks and you guys have already tortured someone, which is just poor form."

* * *

**_Next Chapter_**_: Abby's French tongue comes in handy, and Lizzie follows Boone into the jungle and accidentally stumbles on the Hatch._


	8. I Would Like a Small Taste Of Melon

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 8

I Would Like a Small Taste of Melon

"I had the best sleep last night," Lizzie stated as she pulled out a carton of dishwasher detergent and poured it underneath the waterfall.

"Probably because Claire finally stopped screaming, God that girl is like a banshee. It's a good thing we sleep on the beach, because if we heard her from there, she probably would've popped our eardrums," Abby informed.

"She's worse than a Metallica concert," Lizzie agreed with a nod, "Where is she now?"

"Oh, she got kidnapped by the others," her friend answered as she began to wipe the scuffs off her shoes, "Charlie got hung yesterday, but he wouldn't tell me anything about it, it's like he's sensitive or something."

"Huh, I guess that Ethan guy was right when he told us he was gonna hang Charlie, I just figured he was eccentric like us," Lizzie pulled out a little battleship from her purse and put it into the soapy water.

"Really I thought he was gay," Abby divulged, "I mean I put the moves on him and he shot me right down. Always talking about Charlie this and Charlie that."

"He had an unhealthy obsession, kinda like Locke and his heroin," Lizzie compared.

"He wasn't on the plane," Hurley stated as he flipped through the manifest, "Ethan wasn't on the plane."

"Well I don't blame him, there's hardly anything left of it since you guys decided to light that mother up and have a human bonfire," Abby spat angrily.

"No, he didn't come in on the plane with us," Jack enlightened, "He was already here."

"Well duh, I mean the guy has permanent dirt stains on him," Lizzie gathered some bubbles on her hand, "Plus he's kinda gay."

"Alright," Jack looked thoroughly confused.

"He was way to friendly," Abby added, "but he never followed through with anything. He said he would help me open this suitcase I stole from Sawyer, and then he didn't."

Jack's eyes widened as his eyes fell to the Halliburton that sat snuggly between both girls, "We've been looking for that everywhere, how did you get it?"

Abby and Lizzie's face turned pale, "We don't want to talk about it," Abby stated simply.

"It doesn't matter, but Kate and I need…"

"Every time we see Sawyer he has no clothes on," Lizzie sobbed aloud, and then clung to her friend for support.

"She's been having night terrors about it," Abby divulged as she patted her friends back.

"Why couldn't it have been Boone," Lizzie cried, "Why couldn't it have been Boone? Why couldn't Boone be naked and wet?"

"Girls," Sayid called as he approached the group hobbling, "Girls I've been looking for you everywhere, I need to ask a favor."

"You can't have our cable," Lizzie collected herself; "We've become attached to it."

"Yes, we're thinking of a name for it, something seasoned, like Jachimo."

"No, that isn't what I wanted," Sayid explained, "I took some notes from the French woman."

"You mean you stole the notes," Abby corrected.

"The crazy French women?" Lizzie asked.

Sayid took a deep breath in and forced a smile, "I was wondering if you would help me translate, I've asked Shannon and she's going to help too, but I'd like to be as accurate with them as possible."

Abby grimaced, "I know what this is, these aren't notes at all, they're a witch hunt!"

"It's like we're at Little Rock!" Lizzie huffed with as much offense as her companion. "And if you want a witch, Shannon is you girl, I mean she wears so much make-up, you'd think it was Halloween everyday."

"You think that because we're from Ontario like Ethan, that we're crazy island natives who want to stint all of your collective survivals," Abby continued.

"Well we're not," Lizzie answered, "Just because we took all the food, and try everyday to contaminate the fresh water supply, and because we don't listen to you when you tell us where the bathrooms should be, and because we won't give back Locke's hunting knives, and because Ethan was a close, personal friend of ours doesn't mean we're trying to kill everyone."

"That was not my intention at all," Sayid explained candidly, "I know that you two have the strongest background in speaking French, and I knew you would be the best chance of properly translating the notes."

"Oh so you think that just because we're Canadian we automatically parlons Français, tu est un grand idiot," Abby shouted with anger.

"Je veux un petit gout de melon," Lizzie yelled as both girls stomped off into the jungle furiously.

* * *

"Blue eternity?" Shannon questioned with puzzlement, "No, wait, blue infinity."

"I'm so glad you got that," Abby muttered as her face began to slide down her arm and to the makeshift table the group had made. "Because eternity in French is éternité and you got it mixed up with infini."

"I told you my French sucked," Shannon spat.

"Girls, please, if we can work together this could be done so much faster," Sayid mumbled.

"It's been like five hours," Shannon complained as she pulled her sweater tighter around her arms, "We're not getting anywhere."

"You're not getting anywhere," Abby corrected, "I finished like four hours ago."

Shannon and Sayid both glanced up, "You mean you've finished the translations?" Sayid questioned.

"Yeah, I knew most of the words, and for the ones I didn't know, I used the French-English dictionary I had in my backpack," she held up the ratty book.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Shannon asked heatedly.

Abby shrugged, "I thought it was a test. Which weird considering these are just lyrics from a song. Your crazy French lady is really crazy."

* * *

"Did anyone see you take it?" Locke questioned as he held the axe in his hand.

"I don't think so," Boone answered.

"Boone?" Lizzie questioned as she stumbled out of the bushes, "Why did you take the axe? Are you going to chop some firewood? With your shirt off? Completely naked? Ahh, Sawyer flashback!"

"No one saw you, huh?" Locke chuckled.

"I thought no one did," Boone rubbed the back of his head, "I had no clue she was following me."

"No one ever does, I'm a stalker extraordinaire," Lizzie pointed at herself with her thumbs.

"She's fine," Locke nodded, "We can trust her."

"Really?" Boone face scrunched in bafflement.

"I've seen her around, she has skills we can use," Locke informed, "We're going to need here when it comes time."

"If you guys are talking about borrowing Jachimo, you can forget it. That mother is ours."


	9. Drug Induced Psycho Quests

_Thank you my two gentle and loyal reviewers. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be writing this story because I'm dilusional, but because I knw you read it, at least there's a concrete reason to keep writing. I'm on chapter 13 now. _

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 9

Drug Induced Psycho Quests

"Have you seen Boone, I haven't seen him all day," Lizzie's eyes scanned the beach, but there was no sign of her crush.

"I have a better 'have you seen'," Abby pointed to Sayid approaching Shannon with a box, "They're totally doing it now you know."

"Ewww, really?" Lizzie questioned, her nose scrunching.

"Yeah, which I don't even understand, I was the one who translated everything, I was the one who knew the song, I was the one who actually did speak French, and I don't get anything," Abby complained.

"You want Sayid?" Lizzie's eyebrow shot up. "After he's been with Shannon? Think of all the STD's that are going to spread across the beach. It'll be an epidemic."

"No, but I could've used shoes. It's not like I don't wear shoes. I like to look nice sometimes too, I'm a woman too!" she yelled the last part and nearby birds flew away from the trees.

"At least you didn't spend all yesterday in the jungle with Locke staring at a metal door," Lizzie muttered, "We stared at it like all day, I don't know if he was trying to Vulcan mind-meld with it or what, but it was a bloody waste of time."

"Everyone on this island is an idiot," Abby announced.

"Including us?"

"Especially us, and out of us, especially you," Abby enlightened.

"Hey, you're the leader, therefore you have to be the bigger idiot," Lizzie argued.

Abby grunted, "You should start annoying other people."

* * *

"So this is what you do all day?" questioned Abby as she watched Sun poke another hole into the ground with a stick, "It's very, primitive."

Sun smiled pleasantly and continued to dig around in the dirt.

"So did you read a whole lot of Martha Stewart, or is your dad a farmer or something? My sister's ex-boyfriend was a farmer. Hey, did you ever own a John Deere tractor? Because I've heard about them, and I really don't see what's so special about a certain brand of tractor. I've only ridden on one once, and it wasn't really a tractor, it was a lawn mower, and it didn't last long because I drove it through the back wall of a garage, not ours thank God, but still," Abby rambled as she mimicked Sun movement for movement.

Sun's smile stayed plastered to her face until Jack and Kate could be heard approaching, then a quick expression of relief passed over her features.

"This is amazing Kate," Jack commented as he took in the five foot long garden, "How did you do this."

"You think she could do this?" Abby expressed, "She can't even put down that stupid toy plane long enough to change her clothes. She's starting to smell."

"That's because last time I did, you and your friend stole it and hid it for three days until Jack made you give it back," Kate reminded, her face darkened.

"Oh yeah," Abby smiled nostalgically, "I mean, cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. At some age you've got to get rid of the security blanket, Linus," Abby turned her attention back to the dirt.

"Hey where is Lizzie anyways?" Jack questioned, "She hasn't tried to add food coloring to the water supply yet."

"I don't know where she is, we had a fight and I stomped off. She's probably out looking for her precious Boone, because I'm not a woman who deserves shoes!" Abby shouted as she threw down the seeds she hand in her hand and ran off into the jungle.

* * *

"Staring at this hatch is beginning to give me a leg cramp," Lizzie announced, ending the silence that enveloped the three of them. "And it's making me hungry."

"Locke what are you making?" Boone asked as he watched the older man mix together a strange pink liquid.

"Is it Pepto Bismol?" Lizzie jumped up from her spot, "Or drugs? Because either way I want some."

Locke chuckled, "It's not for now, it's for later."

"Later?" Lizzie whined, "Why can't now be later, I want it now."

"You have to be patient, Elizabeth," Locke reminded, "Good things come to those who wait."

"Did you just call me Elizabeth? Because that is not cool. Do I call you Jonathon? No, I call you Locke! Do you call Boone, Baboon? No you call him Boone," Lizzie shouted.

"Baboon?" Boone questioned.

Lizzie shrugged, "I just figured Boone was short for Baboon."

"I'm sorry," Locke apologized.

"Or Kate, Katherine. Or Hurley, Hugo. Or Sawyer, James. Or Jack…Jonathon, that's weird. How did they get Jack from Jonathon anyways? What were we talking about? Are the drugs done yet? "

* * *

"I was on my way to Bali," Kate stated, "I travel a lot. I was looking forward to exploring the island. Somehow I ended up on a flight to LA, instead. Guess that falls under the category -- be careful what you wish for."

"Jesus, do you ever shut up?" Abby yelled, "You've been talking for the last ninety minutes about nothing, you're supposed to be gardening not entertaining with Kate's magical boring story hour, now enlarged to ninety-minute increments for your listening pleasure. The plants are dying because you're talking them to death!"

"I'm sorry if I'm just trying to keep the spirits up around here," Kate spat defensively.

"Who the hell are you talking to anyways, because I stopped listening as soon as you opened your mouth and Sun doesn't speak English," she reminded coldly, "So basically you're talking to jungle, and if you keep doing that, I can't really blame the monster for coming and eating you."

"Fine," Kate stood up, dusting off her pant legs, "I'll leave."

They watched her disappear through the trees. When they knew she was at a safe distance, Sun turned to Abby, "Thank you very much."

"No problem," pushed her back against a nearby tree, "Talk about a motor mouth."

"I don't know why people keep talking to me, when they think I don't speak English," Sun stated as she covered up the last seed.

"Well in some situations it's good I guess," Abby sighed, "You could be like a fly on the wall, learn everyone's secrets and then blackmail them for your silence, but then everyone would know you can speak English."

Sun wore a pensive smile, "Would you like to learn more Korean?"

"Mallayo," Abby replied.

* * *

"Hello?" Lizzie called as she noticed herself tied in the middle of the Jungle to a tree. The last thing she remembered was Locke knocking her out and then tying her to a tree. "Everything makes sense now."

She fidgeted and managed to pull her arms out of the rope, and then her legs, "He's just not trying anymore."

After doing an 'eenie meanie minie moe' she picked a direction and started walking, hoping it was the right way to get back to camp.

* * *

"How did you feel?" Locke asked curiously, "How did you feel when she died?"

Boone thought for a second, "I felt relieved."

"There you are!" Lizzie yelled as she stumbled through the tree line and over to Locke, "That was the worst game of hide and seek ever."

"What did you see?" Locke questioned as he placed his hand underneath his chin, excited for a response.

"What do you mean?" Lizzie questioned.

"Locke drugged us and tied us out there so we could have a quest," Boone explained, "I saw Shannon die, what did you see?"

"Oh, I had a fight with Abby," Lizzie answered.

"No, that actually happened," Locke informed.

"Oh, then I guess I saw you hit me and tie me to a tree," she added.

"Nope that happened too."

"Then I guess I traveled through the entire jungle for the last eight hours," she thought aloud.

"Was it uneventful?" Boone asked.

"Pretty much I mean I got distracted once or twice and had to go to the bathroom," she disclosed.

"Huh," Locke mumbled.

"You mean he got to go on a drug induced psycho quest and I didn't get squat?" she yelled, "That sucks; this was a waste of time! You gave him all the good stuff!"

She began stomping away, apparently heading back to the beach, but then quickly turned around, and with a broad smile asked, "Shannon's dead?"

* * *

**_Notes:  
_**_Lizzie and I, in almost 7 years of friendship have never had a serious fight.  
My sister really did date a farmer  
'Cry me a bridge and get over it,' is a common phrase we both say  
Lizzie hates being called Elizabeth, and more-so, Bizzy.  
Lizzie once told me, 'Boone, like Baboon.'  
Mallayo is Korean for, 'I don't understand.' At least I think it is._

* * *

**_Next chapter:_**_ Abby and Lizzie rebel when they aren't allowed to help in the Ethan hunt. And someone dies! And someone is mounted. Wacky Fun ensues. _


	10. Stranger Danger

_Man, sorry I haven't updated, I've been trying to but FF forbidded it for the last 3 days. This story is almost complete, at least season one of it is. Lizzie and I got together so we could write the final chapter in agreement. It's incredibly long and hilarious while at the same time making no sense. And there's many many chapter breaks but it makes for good reading. _

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 10

Stranger Danger

"A man threatens to kill one of us unless we bring him Claire, and what, we just wait for that to happen? We tracked him once before, we can track him again." Jack's voice was confident. He and some of the others stood off from the camp, discussing what they should do.

"So she came back?" Lizzie questioned as she rummaged through her purse and pulled out a funnel.

"Yeah, Boone and Locke were on this amazing hunt-quest to find Vincent and they found Claire instead," Abby explained as offered the package she held to Lizzie. "She has no memory. Well no recent memory at least. When I tried to tell her she was really Shannon and that Shannon had stolen her life she got mad at me and threw a couple of things."

Lizzie reached inside and pulled out one of the rubber objects, "Locke's hunt-quests are over rated anyways; they're just walking in the jungle for eight hours."

"Well now Jack wants to go and basically attack Ethan when he attacks us," Abby held the funnel at the mouth of the balloon. "He's trying to get volunteers to go with him."

Lizzie shook her head as she held the bottom of the balloon; water began to inflate it, "Why does anyone still volunteer?"

Abby shrugged, "Guilt, gallantry, plus you get guns."

Lizzie threw down the balloon, "What are we waiting for?!"

* * *

"I'm not putting guns in untrained hands," Jack said again, "it's to dangerous this isn't laser tag, this is the real thing."

"We're playing real tag?" Lizzie questioned, "I thought we were hunting some guy and getting guns."

"You two kids ain't getting any guns," Sawyer chuckled.

"You're too inexperienced," Locke added with a nod of agreement.

"We went to a public school," Abby declared, "That's like spending a year in the 'Nam."

"This is serious," Jack shook his head, "Scott had his neck, his arms and legs, in fact most of the bones in his body were broken. These aren't things for young girls to see."

"Wasn't that a fatality in Mortal Kombat?" Lizzie questioned.

"I don't think so," Abby furrowed her eyebrows in thought, "I think you're thinking of the robot, he slams you around and then you get smushed into his body and he spits out chunks of you like a meat grinder."

"No I'm talking about the blind guy; he folds you up like a lawn chair, with the blood and stuff," Lizzie clarified.

"Oh yeah."

"Look it doesn't matter," Jack interrupted their train of thought, "Because you're not coming, it's too dangerous."

"Oh yeah, well look who you let go," Lizzie exclaimed as she pointed to the group.

"Yeah you give a gun to crazy jungle man Locke, no offense. Sawyer who missed shooting that marshal guy at point blank range, and Kate the reason why the guns are here in the first place." Abby rambled, "And when have you ever even used a gun? You're a spinal surgeon, what do you use them to operate on people?"

"Plus using the very pregnant girl as bait isn't a good idea," Lizzie added, "I know from experience."

"Yeah you should definitely use Shannon, at least if she dies you can fall back on the 'no one liking her' reason," Abby suggested

"Look if you two want to help, why don't you make sure that the people around the camp are safe, you know keep up the moral," Locke suggested.

"We're not cheerleaders," Lizzie spat.

"Come on," Abby tugged on Lizzie's sleeve, "Let's just go, apparently cheerleaders can't save the world."

* * *

The rain fell in sheets, as Claire slowly climbed over the rocky terrain. She knew that Jack and the other's were incognito nearby, but still her heart raced.

Behind her, a branch cracked and by the time she swung around, the reason was standing no less than three feet away.

Abby and Lizzie stood side by side looking at Claire, "Jesus, is your little laser tag thing still going on?"

"What are you doing here?" Claire questioned angrily, "You need to get out of here now."

"Well sorry," Lizzie answered, "We just got bored and decided to go out into the jungle to see if there were any things we hadn't discovered yet. We didn't know that planning a trap for Ethan took a million years. Honestly is it an all day event?"

"Why are you all standing around with guns anyways?" Abby questioned, "Someone's gonna get hurt."

"Get out of here," Jack shouted from where he was hunched under some shrubs, "You guys are jeopardizing the mission."

"This is a mission now?" Lizzie questioned.

"Well we all have guns," Abby enlightened.

"Wrong," Sawyer smirked, "We've got guns, you don't have squat."

"God you're an idiot," Lizzie muttered as she reached into her waistband and pulled out a nine millimeter. Abby pulled one from behind her.

"Where did you guys get the guns?" Jack questioned as he moved out of his hiding position.

"Lizzie's purse, she has everything," Abby held up the large bag.

"Yeah, and if we loose our guns, I still have the knives Locke gave us," pulling out a knife she handed it to Abby.

"I didn't give you any knives," Locke grumbled.

"I'll cut you," Abby threatened as she pointed the knife towards the older man.

"Help!" Claire screamed as the group turned and saw Ethan slowly dragging her away into the woods.

"Shoot her!" Lizzie screamed and together the girls aimed their guns at Claire. But before either could pull the trigger, gunshots rang through the stillness of the forest.

"Kate shot her!" Abby screamed as they raced to see what damage had been done.

"I wasn't anywhere near her," Kate replied angrily.

Abby and Lizzie stopped dead in their tracks as they found Ethan's lifeless body lying on the ground, a pool of red growing beneath him. Charlie stood a few feet away, in the same stance, with a look of shock on his face.

"Ethan, my sweet prince!" Abby screamed as she fell to her knees beside his body.

"Abs, let it go, he's a glorious angel now, up in heaven stealing babies from Saints," Lizzie comforted.

"I won't have it," Abby yelled as she held her gun and started firing bullets up into the air.

"Are you crazy?" Sawyer yelled as the girl began to run around like Yosemite Sam.

"Abby stop," Jack ordered as he pounced on her and knocked her to the ground.

"Jack's mounting Abby!" Lizzie screamed as she ran over and started hitting him with her purse, "Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"

* * *

**_Next Chapter: _**_Abby and Lizzie accompany Sawyer on a boar hunt and play an interesting game of I Never. But not before playing Cops with Hurley.  
_


	11. Manifest Destiny

_Hey guys, this is a pretty long and funny chapter, one of Lizzie's favorites anyways (She just likes to hurt people so that's probably why she likes it). We've made some great progress on the final chapter. There's gonna be a little suprise in it that all fans of this story will love. And we've been brainstoming on ideas for the next story, dealing with season 2, so there may be a sequel!_  
  
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 11

Manifest Destiny

"The damn boar took my tarp and ran off into the jungle with it. When I tired to get it back, the damn thing rammed me in the ass and got away with it," Sawyer stated as he began reconstructing his shelter.

"Perhaps the boar simply wanted to go camping," Sayid stated as he watched Sawyer fumble around in the sand for a place to tie off his tent.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" Sawyer questioned angrily.

"Of course we are," Abby snorted from where she and Lizzie had been standing silently beside Sayid.

"Your ass got rammed by a little piggy," Lizzie giggled, "A little hairy piggy rammed your Sawyer ass."

"Would y'all take talk of my ass somewhere else," Sawyer shouted as he threw down the tarp that just wasn't tying.

"Yeah fine," Lizzie gave a puzzled look.

"Pfft, you're just a big baby that got rammed by a little pig," Abby added as she and Lizzie began walking down the beach, "I praise the Lord everyday that we've never seen his ass."

"I think it's the only thing that's still keep us alive, the solace of knowing we haven't seen his ass," Lizzie added as she began to kick up the sand in clouds, "Do you think we should tell him that it was really us who took his tarp?"

Abby shook her head, "No, that would ruin the whole magical experience of it for him, we should leave it silent."

"And watch him suffer?"

"Of course."

* * *

"Did you get all the guns back?" Kate questioned as Jack closed up the silver case and slid it nonchalantly into a crevice between rocks.

"Actually, I only got two back," Jack stated.

"You and I were the only ones to actually give back our guns?" Kate questioned skeptically.

"I sort of, dropped my gun in the jungle when I was trying to control Abby," he informed as he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"So out of seven guns you got two back," Kate deadpanned.

"Yeah," he added as they began to walk away from the rocks, "And I'll give you three guesses on who's got them."

* * *

"Put your hands on the ground dirtbag!" Lizzie screamed as she pointed a gun at Hurley who sat in awe.

"Dude," he exclaimed, "that's not even funny."

"Unresponsive eh?" Lizzie questioned, in one hand she held the gun sideways, in her other hand she pulled out a walkie-talkie from the back of her pants, "This is Officer Stone requesting backup, I got a 416 taking progress and a failure to be arrested. I repeat backup is requested."

"Khrrrr, this is Officer Black, I hear your 416, and raise you a 823. Backup is on the way, just keep your position," the walkie-talkie then filled with static.

Down the beach, Abby could be seen running at a high speed to catch up with her friend, as her feet flew, she wasn't watching where she was going. Her foot hit a large pile of sand and she fell face first into the ground, "Officer down!"

"Officer down!" Lizzie called as she placed the gun and the walkie-talkie back into her pants, "We have an Officer down!"

Abby lay in the sand on her stomach reaching her arm forward for assistance, "Officer down, request for backup!"

Lizzie ran over to her friend and helped her to her feet, "Are you okay Cadet? That was a harrowing event, do you want to take a few minutes to recover."

"The perp!" Abby yelled as she pointed to Hurley who began to slowly walk down the beach in the opposite direction.

"Let's get 'em!" Lizzie yelled and with a battle cry the girls ran after Hurley.

The girls surrounded him, both aiming their guns, "Get on the ground," Lizzie demanded.

"You guys this isn't funny anymore," Hurley informed, "At first it was cute, but now it's getting kinda scary."

"Aww, you thought it was cute?" Abby questioned lowering her gun.

"Cadet, don't fall for it, it's Stockholm Syndrome reversed, raise your gun," Lizzie shouted, "Get on your knees."

"Sorry," Abby apologized and aimed her gun once again.

"Guys…" Hurley muttered.

"Get him!" Lizzie shouted, and with that both girls jumped on him, pulling him to the ground.

Abby sat on Hurley with her knees in his back holding his hands together, "Book 'em, Dano."

Lizzie pulled out the handcuffs, "It was so nice of Sayid to fix these up for us."

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have no right to a phone call, or any bathroom breaks, and on odd number Thursdays you will be stripped of any pantaloons and abandoned in the jungle."

"What?" Hurley asked, lifting his head out of the dirt.

"I'm reading you your rights to I don't violate the Miranda Rights," Abby informed still pressing Hurley's wrists together. She smiled brightly, then whispered, "Miranda."

"I'll make a deal with you slimeball," Lizzie grunted as she bent one knee so she was even with Hurley, "We'll forget your violations this time if you give us the manifest."

* * *

"A boar wouldn't attack you for no reason," Kate stated as she reclined against Sawyer's shelter.

"Thank you, boar expert," Sawyer grumbled.

"Did someone call for the boar experts?" Lizzie called as she and Abby approached Sawyer's broken shelter.

"Not you two again," he moaned as he shook his head.

"Wow, your shelter looks like crap. All those interior decorating tips you picked up in jail did not do you justice," Abby stated as one of the walls fell over.

"You two are omens," he pointed at the girls with a scowl.

Lizzie and Abby glanced to each other, then back to Sawyer, "I think you forgot the W at the beginning of that word," Abby suggested.

"Yeah, it's womens," Lizzie enlightened, "Actually just women, but you're kinda stupid so we'll forgive you."

"I ain't got time for this," he stood up, "I'm going to go put an end to that menace."

"Sawyer!" Lizzie shouted, "Kate is standing right here. And there's no need to kill her, I'm sure we can all talk things out."

"We can have a Dr. Phil hour!" Abby jumped up and down.

"He's talking about the boar," Kate sighed obviously irritated.

"Shannon?" Lizzie questioned.

"No, the damn boar that rammed me."

"Oh," Abby giggled. "Hey can we come?"

"Girl, there ain't no way you're coming with me," he chuckled as he rummaged through his things, "Where in the hell is my damn gun?"

"You mean this one?" Lizzie asked as she pulled out the nine millimeter, "We took it when the boar was harassing you."

Sawyer sighed, "Alright, let's go."

* * *

"That's a footprint," Lizzie stated as leaned against a nearby tree.

"Yeah, you can even see the little Nike symbol in it, what's your handicap?" Abby questioned as she was bent nearly in half looking at the shoe mark.

"From the distance of the stride and the weight, I'd say you were following Boone for the last half an hour," Kate informed as she moved through some nearby trees.

"Boone?" Lizzie asked as she pushed herself off the tree and propelled through the woods shouting his name.

"You've followed tracks of humans, birds, a rockslide, yourself, basically anything but a boar," Kate smiled smugly.

"Has he followed a man eating his own head?" Abby queried, when both Sawyer and Kate look less than amused she added, "Sorry, I was just asking."

"I want carte blanche," Kate stated, "It means I get whatever I want from your stash without asking anytime I want."

"Go to hell, Lady," Lizzie exclaimed as she returned to the group huffing, "You shouldn't get free stuff if we don't."

"Fine, let's just go," Sawyer agreed, "All I wanted to do was kill the stupid boar."

"Claire?"

* * *

"Why don't we play a little game?" Sawyer questioned with a smirk.

"As long as it's not marco polo," Lizzie's nose scrunched.

"Or strip poker," Abby added.

"It's called I Never," Sawyer began, "it's simple you say I never and you finish the sentence. If it's something you did you drink, if it's something you've never done you don't drink."

"We're not old enough to drink," Abby crossed her arms.

"Yeah, how are we supposed to play?" Lizzie asked.

"I guess you don't get to play," Sawyer added with a sneer.

"Unfair!" Lizzie called.

"That's age discrimination and when we get rescued I'll sue," Abby threatened.

Suddenly beyond the bushes a twig snapped. The group looked at each other as footsteps could be heard.

"I'll go check it out," Kate volunteered as she got up.

"Hey I know a version of the game I Never we can play," a smile grew on Lizzie's face, "Instead of drinking we punch Sawyer."

"What?" Sawyer questioned as he placed an empty mini vodka bottle down on the ground.

"I've never punched Sawyer," Abby stated.

Lizzie leaned over and punched Sawyer brutally in his shoulder, "I have," she answered and nailed him again in the same spot.

"I've never seen Sawyer naked," Lizzie declared, at the end of her sentence punched Sawyer in the stomach, "I lied."

Abby kicked him in the shin, "Worst day of my life."

"I've never read animé comics," Abby announced, and Lizzie punched Sawyer in the side.

"I've never had my bellybutton pierced," Lizzie stated, and Abby punched Sawyer in the back.

"Would you to quit it!" Sawyer shouted.

"Settle down James," Lizzie reached into her purse and pulled out a package of marshmallows, "This isn't Jamestown and you aren't King of the Leopards."

"What?" Sawyer questioned, "How the hell do you know my name?"

"We have the manifest fool," Abby held up the sheets of paper with everyone's name and seat number, "We have the knowledge and knowledge is power."

"How the hell did you get that?" Sawyer questioned.

"Wrongful arrest," Lizzie shoved five marshmallows onto a nearby stick and placed it over the fire.

"Let's just call it manifest destiny," Abby added with a smile.

"Do you idiots even know what you're taking about," Sawyer questioned as she shook his head.

"We know what we're talking about, but you don't so who's the real idiot here?" Lizzie blew out the fire on her stick and began to eat her marshmallows.

* * *

**_Next Chapter_**_: Lizzie, Abby, Charlie, Jack and Sayid head into the jungle to find Rousseau, and the girls end up doing something they never wanted to do. _


	12. The Fool Raft's A Burnin'

_Hey guys, just a quick update, the end is coming very soon, I think only 2 or 3 chapters are left! It seems like just awhile ago this sotry was abandoned at the side of the road like Lizzie and I were at birth. But now it's almost complete. And BTW Lizzie and I LOVE Rousseau!...and fire..._

Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 12

Fool Raft's A-Burning 

"Look at them, working hard at building their precious fool raft," Lizzie stated as she glared to where Michael was bundling together pieces of bamboo. "They think they're so great with their raft. I bet they sail and then just float out there for a week or so until they go crazy and come back for crazy revenge."

"Little harsh against the raft aren't we?" Abby questioned.

Lizzie shrugged and started constructing a sandcastle, "It was my idea."

"It wasn't your idea, you said it as a joke, and they took you seriously, which is a strike against them."

"Well I deserve a spot on that raft," Lizzie huffed as she knocked down the north tower of her creation, "Michael, Sawyer and Little Jiminy already have a seat, and there's only two more left."

"You really want to go on the raft?" Abby questioned, noticing her friend's serious tone.

"Yeah, and who else are they gonna take? Locke, the crazy guy who mispronounces Michelangelo, and who has a dog for a sister?" she shook her head in disgust, "I'm like the pick of the litter."

"You mean, you'd just leave me here, just like that, and take off to play Pirates of Craphole Island?" Abby eyes grew wide and glassy.

"No, you can come too."

"You think they're really gonna let both of us go on that raft?" Abby questioned skeptically.

"Well if we were more annoying than, they would want to kick us off the island. So all we have to do is kick up the annoying-ness and we'll be gold," Lizzie explained.

Both girls glanced at each other as evil grins began to grow on their faces.

* * *

"We need to go out into the jungle to track down Rousseau," Jack began shoving water into his pack. 

"I thought we didn't like crazy French people," Lizzie questioned as she tied her shoes tightly.

"We don't, but she has the battery which Michael needs for his raft," Sayid informed as he sent Shannon a sideways smile.

Abby's face scrunched, "It's a stupid fool raft anyways."

"You guys don't need to come along," Charlie suggested as he remembered walking with the girls to find the cockpit.

"No, we haven't been helping lately," Lizzie divulged, "We don't want to be parasitic like Paris Hilton."

"Plus it'll be major fun. We can have campfires with marshmallows and double entendre games of I Never. But we'll have to bring Sawyer along though, I don't feel comfortable hitting anyone but him," Abby rambled as she followed the group down the beach and into the jungle.

"Are we there yet?" Lizzie questioned as they crossed through the line of trees.

"Are you serious?" Jack deadpanned.

"We just got into the bloody forest," Charlie added.

"Can we stop for a food break?" Abby questioned, "I brought a tuna sub and I don't want the mayonnaise to go bad in this hot weather."

"What?" All three men exclaimed at the same time.

"I'm tired," Lizzie declared as she began to drag her feet through the thick jungle soil.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Abby announced.

"Someone carry me," Lizzie whined.

"It's not number one either, so it's gonna take awhile, and I've been backed up since before the crash" Abby proclaimed as the group fell silent.

"I'm bored," Lizzie shuffled through her purse, "And I forgot the radio in our clubhouse. Charlie start singing."

"There's no bloody way I'm singing again," he argued.

"Hey!" Abby shouted her voice suddenly filled with glee, "Look a trap!"

"Abby don't move," Jack ushered.

Before he even finished his sentence, Abby ran through the five consecutive traps, which all released piles of sharpened sticks tied together.

"Oh my God!" Lizzie cried when she met her friend at the end of the traps, "That was freaking awesome! Why didn't we think of these!?"

"I know!" Abby exclaimed as she held one of the balls, "Spiky balls of doom. It's so simple!"

"Are you guys daft?" Charlie questioned as the three men ran up to meet them, "Running in front of large spiky objects."

"That was very dangerous girls," Sayid voiced.

Both girls broke out into a fit of laughter, leaving the others to stare at them blankly. When Abby finally managed to catch her breath she stated, "You guys look like the Three Stooges!"

"Wait a minute," Sayid examined the area around him, "This place is familiar," he added.

"Is that where you gut hung upside down for a month?" Lizzie questioned as they found a piece of rope on the ground.

"Yes," Sayid nodded as he picked up the piece of rope, "I believe we should split up, we can cover more ground that way."

"Oh I call the spiky ball of doom way," Lizzie shouted as she raised her hand.

"Guys, this is very dangerous," Jack began on one of his speeches, "You need to look out for each other out there, there are other traps set, and Rousseau doesn't like trespassers. You need to go quietly and quickly and try not to provoke any unwanted attention."

"Yeah whatever," Lizzie muttered, then harshly pushed Abby so she set off the trap again, "You're it."

"You're going down," Abby screamed back at her and both girls took off in the wrong direction hollering loudly at each other.

* * *

"Do you think our plan is working?" Abby questioned as she kicked a rock and set off a trap that narrowly missed the girls. Neither one seemed to react to it. 

"We'll we're certainly annoying Charlie," Lizzie ducked as many darts began to shoot at her when she walked right over the trip line.

"Hey I have a better idea," Abby brightened at her thought, "What if we kill Jack, then we would be named the leaders of this ragtag group of survivors!"

Lizzie shook her head in disagreement, "It's no good, if Jack died then female, angrier Jack would take over."

"You mean Kate?"

"I really don't care to learn their names," Lizzie informed honestly, "They're all just kindling for the fire to me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Abby stopped moving and started swinging her arms until she had enough force to jump over the pit of sharpened sticks. "And if we killed Kate, then Locke would lead us and everyone would have head wounds filled with Pepto Bismol, and then Sayid would rule after him. It's never ending."

From between the trees, a barrel of a gun slide out, and pointed at the girls, "Who are you?" a thick accent asked them.

"Sawyer?" Lizzie questioned.

"Oh, you must be the crazy French lady," Abby examined her torn clothes; "I like your gun."

"Hey, if you're French, then have you ever been to the Eiffel Tower?" Lizzie questioned curiously.

"Yeah and do you eat French food? Like French fries?" Abby queried.

"Do you eat frogs?" Lizzie added as she pulled a frog from her purse.

"Did your husband have a mustache and like aged cheeses?"

"Do you like fine wine?"

"Did you own a vineyard?"

"Does Alex mean something specific in French?"

"What exactly Does Ca Plane Por Moi mean?"

They stopped speaking and looked at Rousseau who merely looked back at them.

"Look we're only out here to get a battery, if you can give us a battery, we can go back to camp and continue tainting the water supply with Easter egg dyes and what not," Lizzie offered.

"I do not understand," Rousseau muttered as she lowered her gun.

"Okay," Abby nodded, "Umm, je voudrais un petit peut de double A s'il vous plait."

"I do not understand," the woman pressed as she leaned her gun against a near by tree and approached the girls.

"Umm, we just want a battery, please," Abby stated again.

"Alex?" Rousseau questioned as she reached her hand towards Abby.

"Back off lady," Lizzie shouted, "Don't make me get hostile."

"Alex?" Rousseau spoke again, and this time reached her hand towards Lizzie.

"Alex is Asian?" Abby questioned.

"Screw this," Lizzie exclaimed as she grabbed Rousseau's gun, "Look either give us the battery or go away.

"You two are so much like your father," Rousseau declared with a tear in her eye.

"Just give us the battery lady!"

* * *

"You guys got the battery?" Hurley questioned as the two girls walked along the beach. 

"Yeah, Rousseau thought we were her daughters. She cooked us a meal and gave us her phone number if we needed anything," Lizzie explained as she reached into her purse and dug out a walkie-talkie that actually worked, "She gave use these too when we told her we liked playing Cops."

"You guys have real walkie-talkies!" Hurley exclaimed, "You've got to give those to Sayid so we can get out of here."

"Are you kidding! These are a gift from mother!" Abby screamed as she shoved hers into the back of her pants.

"You girl's really saved the day," Jack informed with a proud smile. "We never thought that you two were team players but you proved everyone wrong."

"Yeah," Michael agreed, "You've basically just saved us all."

"Damnit!" Lizzie shouted as she stomped angrily away from the camp, "We didn't want them to like us; we wanted them to hate us. And now that love us."

"We've got to do something to sway the vote," Abby mused aloud. Then a cruel smile grew on her face, "And I know just the thing."

* * *

"Charlie, what's going on?" Kate questioned as she ran out of the tent. 

"It's the raft," Charlie pointed down the beach, "it's on fire and out of control."

They ran down to the beach and frantically began to throw sand on the craft.

Down the beach a few feet, Abby and Lizzie sat cross-legged in the sand, watching the raft burn quietly and smiling deviously at each other.

"They'll never suspect us," Lizzie chuckled, full of glee, "I quit smoking so I don't even have a lighter."

"And if they do come at us, we'll just tell them it was Kate," Abby agreed.

"Who?"

* * *

**_Next Chapter: _**_With death comes life and while Lizzie sits with a critically injured Boone and Jack refuses to leave him, someone else must deliver Claire's baby. Plus references to a drunken Sawyer, so don't miss it. _


	13. Sawyer the Barberini Faun

_Here it is, the second last chapter of the best story ever written of all time. The final chapter is now complete, but just has to be typed up. And there's a pleasant surprise in it that is extremely entertaining. Not that this chapter isn't..._  
  
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 13

Sawyer the Barberini Faun

Sun walked down the beach, her head hung as she avoided eye contact with anyone.

"What's her problem?" Lizzie questioned as she dipped a banana into some chocolate pudding.

"Everyone found out she spoke English while we were meeting Rousseau," Abby doodled swirls in the sand with her finger.

"They just found that out now? How the hell did they think we worked in the garden her completely in sync?" chunks of banana shooting from her mouth.

Abby shrugged, "Just another island mystery."

Lizzie pointed a finger toward where Sawyer sat with Jack before him as he tired on glasses, "What's up with him."

"I don't know," Abby creased her eyebrows, "Let's go find out."

With that, the girls began to scale the beach as they made their way towards Sawyer.

"Dude," Hurley chuckled, "It looks like someone steamrolled Harry Potter."

"Oh my God," Abby exclaimed as she covered her mouth with her hands, "You look so stupid!"

"Girls, let's try to be nice to him, okay?" Jack questioned as he stood and brushed the sand off of his pants.

Kate nodded in agreement, "He's self conscious about how he looks."

"He should be," Lizzie giggled, "He looks like a woman. An ugly woman. A man-woman of sorts."

Abby bent over to examine Sawyer closer, "He kinda looks like a grandma," she stated honestly, "Or Napoleon Dynamite."

"That's it," Sawyer took off his glasses, "I ain't wearing these."

"Then you'll have to deal with the headaches," Jack reminded.

"He's wearing glasses because he gets headaches?" Abby questioned, "I have headaches because I wear glasses."

"And how do you deal with them?" Sawyer questioned sarcastically, "Act like an idiot and they go away."

"Pfft," Abby waved her hand at him, "I'm high half the time. High," she paused, "On life!"

Sawyer shook his head, "I'm sorry that I thought what you were gonna say was gonna make sense."

"You're just angry because you look like a nerd," Lizzie accused.

"I'm not a nerd," Sawyer argued, then pointed at Abby, "She's got glasses, is she a nerd?"

Abby look at Lizzie, "Hell yes."

Charlie broke through the tree line suddenly, huffing as if out of breath, "Jack, you've got to get to the caves, it's Boone."

Lizzie's head shot up at his name, "What about Boone?" she questioned as she pushed the doctor out of the way.

"He and Locke has some sort of accident," Charlie began, "He's really beat up, he needs Jack's help right now."

Jack started to walk into the jungle, but Lizzie pushed him back again, and took off towards the cave.

* * *

"You know I don't like you, right?" Abby declared as she and Kate walked the path to the cave. They'd gone to the beach to get whatever alcohol Sawyer had, only to find that he'd had a little party, gotten drunk, and fallen asleep in a less than appropriate pose.

"Yeah I know," Kate grunted as she kept two steps ahead of the young girl, "I just don't know why."

"I don't know, something about you just sets me off. I think you're a little too bossy and you ask too many questions. Think before you talk, it's an excellent idea," Abby stopped walking to tie her shoe.

"You're slowing us down," Kate complained as she turned around, and stood akimbo.

"What?" Abby rose an eyebrow, "Are you afraid we're going to miss Boone's death?"

"Don't say that," Kate demanded obviously growing frustrated.

"Well we are, because I think that low moaning sound is Claire," she pointed through some trees, and sure enough Claire's form could be seen hunched over a log.

"Claire!" Kate exclaimed as she helped the girl sit, "Oh my God, you've gone into labor."

"Don't leave me," Claire insisted as she curled her fingers into fists, "I don't want to be alone."

"We'll you're not going to be for much longer. I mean you are having a baby, that's not just a pillow or something," Abby shot an accusing look at her.

"Are you saying you think my pregnancy's a hoax?" Claire questioned obviously offended.

"I'm just saying you've been pregnant for like twenty-five months," Abby raised her hands in defense.

"Look, you've got to go get Jack," Kate grabbed Abby's arm, "You've got to go to the caves and get him."

"He's not going to come out here, he's busy trying to save Boone," she replied bluntly.

Kate sighed with irritation, "He has to come, Claire's having her baby."

"He's not going to come here; I don't even want to be here. She made the baby without any of us present; she can deliver it the same way," Abby deadpanned.

"Just go get Jack!" Kate yelled at her.

"Jesus, you didn't have to go all banshee," Abby picked up her bag and began to amble towards the cave, "Maybe a please would've done it. No wonder you don't have many friends."

* * *

Lizzie watched as Jack began to stitch up Boone's chest. Leaning on her elbows she bowed over to get a closer look, "Are you stitching your initials in him?" she questioned.

"No, I'm just sewing up his lacerations," Jack replied as he pulled the thread threw once again.

"Can you sew my initials into his chest?" Lizzie questioned, smiling naively at Jack.

Jack looked like he wanted to ask a million questions at once, but then settled on a simple, "What?"

"For after we're married, it's like one of those dog tags. So if he ever gets lost in the jungle again, the Other's can read his chest and return him to me," Lizzie sat back down.

Suddenly Boone started gasping, his fingers twitching.

"What's happening?" Lizzie asked as she pushed herself away from the patient.

Jack leaned over him and listened to his chest, "His lung collapsed, I'm going to re-inflate it."

He poured what little alcohol he had one a sharp spike and moved over Boone's body ready to stab it into him, when Lizzie body checked him, taking hold of the spike, "You're doing it wrong!" she yelled.

"Jack," Abby yelled as she strolled into the camp at a leisurely pace, "Jack we have a problem."

"Where's the alcohol?" Jack demanded as he noticed Abby's bag was empty.

"Sawyer had a party with himself last night and he drank all the alcohol and ended the night in a position reminiscent of the Barberini Faun," Abby stated as she stood beside Lizzie, "Hey how's it going."

"Boone's lung is flat," Lizzie informed, "Jack popped it with his stupidness," Lizzie sent a glare his way.

"Pfft, you should see Kate, she's like crapping a brick because Claire went into, 'air quote' labor," she told her friend.

"Claire's in labor?" Charlie asked as he appeared from around the corner.

"Yeah somewhere in the wilderness, it's like National Geographic," Abby took a drink of her water, "Kate's under some delusional spell that she thinks Jack is going to come out there."

"I can't leave Boone," he bent down beside him, "Someone else can deliver Claire's baby. Abby, you need to tell Kate exactly what I tell you okay, because she's going to have to do it."

"I'm going to gather towels, and water and scissors," Charlie announced as he flung himself to the other side of the caves.

"You need to wait until Claire's contractions are a minute apart and tell her to push until the head it out. Then she needs to push as hard as she can until the shoulders are out, and then the baby's nose and mouth need to be cleared, do you understand?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, push the baby hard and throw it clear into the forest," Abby mumbled as she stood up, "I think I can manage."

* * *

"Jack's not coming," Abby announced, as she threw her bag to the ground and kneeled in front of Claire, "He told me what to do, and I'm supposed to deliver the baby."

"What?" Claire questioned as she pushed through another contraction.

"What?" Kate asked, "That's the worst idea I've ever heard."

"You're the worst idea I've ever heard," Abby shot back, "Now listen to me Claire, I want you to push until you feel the head of the baby out of your body, then I want you to push harder okay?"

"I can't do this," Claire wheezed as she held her stomach.

"Then you shouldn't have had sex," Abby shot back, "now push!"

Claire nodded and pushed down as hard as she could until her face turned red.

"You call that pushing? That sucked. You suck and your baby's gonna hate you because you push like a ninety-eight-year-old cadaver! Now push harder!" Abby yelled.

"She can't just push all the way through!" Kate yelled from the side, "She had to take some breaks."

"You want to help? Get me that catcher's mitt that Lizzie gave me from my backpack," Abby shouted from over her shoulder. She turned back to Claire, "Why aren't you pushing!"

* * *

"There's blood everywhere," Lizzie looked around the cave in awe.

"Well maybe if you didn't pull the tube that was pouring blood into Boone from my arm eight times, there would be more blood in us and less everywhere else!" Jack yelled.

"Your blood was tainting him!" Lizzie yelled back. "Now fix him!"

"I can't fix him, the little blood that got in has pooled right at his leg, the only thing I can do it cut it off," Jack informed desolately.

"Then cut it off," Lizzie said as she and Jack began to drag Boone's body over to a large piece of the plane that they used to cut up the boar meat.

"Guys," Boone whispered weakly, "I'm not going to make it, don't cut off my leg, just let me die," he whispered.

"Boone, I'm so sorry," Jack answered sadly, "I couldn't save you."

"I know man, it's my fault I shouldn't have gone to the hatch with Locke," with that said Boone rolled his eyes back into his head and let out a final exhalation.

Jack let out a sad sigh and bowed his head. The silence was interrupted by what sounded like a large paper cutter. "What the hell did you do?" Jack asked Lizzie as he saw Boone's leg no longer attached to his body.

"I cut it off, like you said," Lizzie responded.

"He said he didn't want it cut off, and then he died!" Jack screamed.

Lizzie bowed her head, "He would've wanted it this way."

* * *

"Would you just push already?" Abby questioned as she sat with a catcher's mitt under Claire's dress.

Claire held her breath and pushed down hard, and soon squealing could be heard.

Catching the baby in the catcher's mitt, Abby immediately threw it to Kate, "Throw it into the jungle hurry!"

"What are you talking about," Kate questioned as she tried to hold onto the baby.

"Maybe a dingo will get it or something," Abby mused, "Jack told me to throw it as far as I could from the clearing."

The baby started to cry in Kate's arms, "Are you sure he didn't say clear its nose and mouth?"

"Just throw the damn baby!"

* * *

Everyone gathered atop a small hill at the beach as Boone was buried. Sayid stood somberly beside Shannon, and Lizzie bawled more than Claire's newborn beside Abby.

"Does anyone want to say anything about Boone?" Jack questioned after the body was placed into the ground.

Lizzie raised her hand, "Boone was so hot. He was such a fine, fine sexy man. He had the nicest body and I wanted to jump him from the moment I got here and no one would let me and now it's too late because he's dead."

"Okay," Jack nodded as Lizzie let out another sob, "That was entirely inappropriate. Anyone else."

Abby raised her hand, "Boone had crazy eyes and very big scary eyebrows that reminded me of cigars. And I think that it's only right that we name Claire's baby Ethan seeing as how you guys shot him."

* * *

_Note: The Barberini Faun is a statue of a Satyr in a reclained position, it's pretty amusing and my sister has this obsession with it, so I thought I should include it somewhere._

**Next Chapter: **It all come to an end, as choices are made, and someone dies, but if you've seen the show, then you know who it is...  



	14. The Last Chapter That's Really Long

_Well here it is ladies and gentlemen. The final chapter of our blood, sweat and tears, literally. It took 2 weeks to write, and forever to type up. I think I like broke my hand doing it. And it's super long, like 23 pages I believe, but it was worth it. We tried to make everything come together, so there's a lot of reference to previous chapters. Lizzie did write a lot of it too. She wrote all the parts that are centered around her. She also wrote the title chapter.   
We hope you enjoy it, and please tell us if your interested in reading what happens in season two of our Lost.  
And now a word from Lizzie...  
Okay!  
That's all she wanted to put. _  
  
Abby and Lizzie's Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest

Chapter 14

The Last Chapter That's Really Long and Has Lots of Separation Lines!

Abby swung open the door to the playhouse she and Lizzie had constructed down the beach, at least a dozen yards away from everyone. "Everybody's gonna love today, love today, love today, anyway you want to anyway you've got to love, love me." She sang loudly in the early morning breeze.

It was a glorious day, the sun was already high in the sky and with out a single cloud to block it out. She continued to stroll down the beach, Lizzie walking and singing along with her.

Normally the singing wouldn't have bothered any of the survivors, but it happened to be just after six in the morning and everyone was intent on gathering more beauty sleep.

"Would you shut up?" Sawyer yelled with fury as he scrambled out of his tent, his shirt left discarded inside.

"Ahh," both girls screamed, Abby moved her hand up and blocked both girls' eyes.

"What are you trying to do? Kill us? Do you want to kill us by walking around naked? It's in no way right or kosher!" Lizzie screamed as the girls stumbled around each other trying to get away from the beastly sight.

"What's going on?" Jack asked groggily, as he rubbed his eyes.

"Sawyer won't put on a shirt, it's basically like sexual abuse!" Abby screamed.

"I didn't tell you to look at me," Sawyer snickered as he retreated back into his tent.

"You're supposed to love today, and at least you have to love me," Abby cupped her hands around her mouth, "Love, love me!"

"What are you doing on the beach this early?" Lizzie questioned as she finally became aware of Jack's presence.

"Alex!" a familiar voice called from amongst the tree line, "Alex where are you?" her voice was frantic as her feet finally hit the sand of the beach.

"Mommy?" Lizzie and Abby both queried in unison.

"Alex?" Rousseau called again.

Abby and Lizzie looked at one another, smiles dancing on their faces as they cried out, "Mommy!"

They ran down the beach into the French woman's arms and embraced her tightly while all the other survivors watched the show of affection with shock.

"Momma," Abby began, "Yesterday we made a sand castle and it had a trellis, and a watch tower and buttresses."

"Yeah and seventy-one servants who waited on us hand and foot because we were their gigantic masters! It was freaking awesome, we wanted to come find you, but we wanted to wait until you reset those spiky balls of doom. They give us a workout," Lizzie finished.

Rousseau smiled at the girls, "I'm so glad you two are having fun, but I do not come in happiness. The Others are coming, they've lit their fire that burns black smoke. They'll probably come this very day. We have three choices my precious Alexes, run, hide or die."

"I choose die," Abby declared.

"Me too," Lizzie agreed.

Silence fell over the entire camp.

"Wait a minute, I didn't want die, I wanted something else, this always happens when I'm at the drive thru and I never know what to get and I just blurt out something I don't want at the last minute," Abby sobbed as she fell into the sand, "We're all gonna die!"

"What?" Lizzie shook her head, "We're all gonna die, except no one is gonna die. Get to the base, bring mother," Lizzie shouted as she shoved Abby to her feet and together the girls and Rousseau began traveling to their Peewee's Playhouse.

"No one's going anywhere!" shouted Jack as he began to round up all the survivors.

"Are you bloody crazy?" Lizzie screamed as she still held Abby's arm, "The Others are coming here!"

Kate made her way thought the crowd, "Who are the others?" she questioned stopping beside Jack.

Abby's eyes fell half closed with an irate glare, "Haven't you been paying attention at all? There are other people on the island."

Lizzie pursed her lips and nodded in agreement, "Yeah, and they're gonna eat our babies!"

Swiveling around, Abby turned to Claire, "I knew we should've thrown the stupid baby into the jungle, it's what they wanted anyways and now there's coming here with their black fire burning like we're at The Keg or something!"

"Look," Jack interrupted, "There's a hatch in the jungle, if we can get into it, we can hide everyone inside of it."

"I'm tired of that stupid hatch," Lizzie complained, "I'm tired of staring at it, I'm tired of hearing about it, it killed Boone. My precious Boone," she grabbed Rousseau's arm and wept on her shoulder.

Abby placed a finger on her bottom lip and tapped it while she was deep in thought, "Would dynamite blow it up?" she questioned.

Sawyer huffed, "Why does your little friend got some pushed down into the bottom of her purse?"

"What?" Lizzie exclaimed, "No, we found some when we were out exploring the jungle. There's this old pirate ship that were we playing Pirates of Craphole Island with and there's tons of dynamite inside of it."

"You mean the Rochier Noir," Rousseau looked pleased.

"Yeah the Black Rock, the slave ship, we wanted to make it a Roller Disco but apparently we'll never get one."

Abruptly, a man pushed Sawyer out of the way, "Dynamite is temperamental, if you're getting it, I'm coming too."

"Fine," Lizzie pushed by everyone and began walking towards Michael who was signaling her, "Momma, Jack, Kate, Locke and Some Guy go get the dynamite."

"What about you?" Jack questioned.

"We're going on the raft."

* * *

"Alright," Michael called as he stood before everyone who took their positions along the new raft, "When I say so lift up and push the raft forward."

"What are you going to do?" Abby asked as she leaned against the bamboo that crafted the vessel.

"I'm directing."

"Oh you're so full of crap," Lizzie complained, "You just don't want to lift it."

"Now!" Michael called.

"Now what?" Abby questioned.

"Now lift!" Michael shouted as the boat jerked forward.

"You know what? No," Lizzie let go of the grip she had and the boat started to waver.

Abby followed suit and the two girls stood away from the boat, "Yeah, you lift it if you want it in the water. We're not for teamwork."

"Do you want to be on this raft?" Michael demanded his arms akimbo and his tolerance running low.

"Do you wanna be on this raft?" Lizzie mimicked sarcastically.

His eye grew wide, "I made this raft," he grumbled.

Lizzie grinned, "Well we burnt your first one."

"Lizzie!" Abby brought her heel down hard on Lizzie's toes.

"Sack of grapes!" Lizzie screamed as her bum fell in the sand and she began to baby her foot.

"What was that?" Michael questioned as they other survivors were still trying to get the boat into the water.

Abby cleared her throat, "What she meant was we saw who did it, the burning of the raft that is. It was Kate," she pointed out the woman amongst the crowd.

"Why would you do that?" Lizzie asked as she stood up and punched Abby in the arm.

"Ow, you jerk-face, why would you do that?" she asked as her hand went instinctively over the area, "you know I bruise easily."

Lizzie looked away to the ground with guilt, "You deserved it you know."

"I can't push this thing into the water all by myself, you know!"

"Shut up Sawyer," both girls yelled together.

* * *

Everyone let out a groan as the raft finally made it into the water. It had taken almost four hours, but the result was worth it. The time consumption was due to the fact that Abby and Lizzie had gotten their wish of directing and somehow the raft had made it almost ten feet into the jungle.

"All aboard," Michael called giddily as he gave his son a boost up onto the boat.

"We're coming," Lizzie called as she and her companion ran towards the boat.

Sawyer smirked, "No can do Kiddo, only room for five on the Love Boat."

Abby rolled her eyes, "Your Love Boat is filled with a little boy and two men."

He chuckled dryly as he began to position his items, "Say what you want, but four positions have already been taken, I'll let you girls do the math."

"You don't get to go on the boat," Lizzie growled as she pounced on Sawyer like a cat.

Rousseau came running from down the beach, "Alex, that is no way for a young woman to act." She gripped her by the arm tightly and pulled her away from Sawyer.

Lizzie pouted, "I'm sorry Momma, but that mean guy won't let me go on the raft and it hurts my feelings."

Without a word, Rousseau turned and charged at Sawyer knocking him clear off the raft and into the water on his back.

"Jesus," Sawyer yelled as Kate rushed over and pulled Rousseau, who had begun to claw his face, off of him.

"Enough of this," Michael intervened, "Only one of you can go on the raft, and you guys had better decided quickly who it is, we're loosing sunlight." He pointed to the horizon for emphasis and sure enough the sun was low in the sky.

Both girls looked at each other, tears welling in their eyes, "you should go," Abby whispered.

Lizzie swallowed harshly, "Are you sure?"

Abby nodded with a rueful smile, "Work on your tan and make a map of the ocean for me, but not a satellite one, you know how they scare me."

"I will play Pirates of Craphole Island, and I will be the drunken pirate guy with the crazy facial hair," she promised as they embraced.

Lizzie climbed onto the raft and pushed Sawyer five feet away from her, "Goodbye Abs," she yelled to her friend and waved, "Keep the island in shape for me!"

"I will," she agreed and nodded, "I'll beat them into shape for you!"

Rousseau wrapped her arms around Abby's shoulders and pulled the girl close as she cried, "Goodbye Alex," she waved to the girl. When the raft was only a speck in the distance she spoke again, "Come on Alex."

* * *

"No," Lizzie screamed as she pulled her hand back into a fist and took a mildly threatening stance, "I said we turn here."

Sawyer sighed, "I'm gonna tell you again what I've been telling you for the last hour, we can't turn or we'll end up heading towards Antarctica," he placed his head in his hands, "Maybe it wasn't needing glasses that gave me headaches."

"You're such an idiot," Lizzie cried with frustration, before she knew what was happening she'd punched Sawyer in the stomach and taken the banana he was eating.

"Hey, that's mine," he protested as he stood up with wobbly legs, "That bitch took my fruit," he ranted as he tried to pry the banana away from Lizzie, only to have her shove the whole thing in her mouth and throw the peel at him.

"Ha, it's not anymore," Lizzie chortled and spat chunks of banana everywhere.

"That's gross," Walt's nose crinkled in disgust.

Lizzie's victorious smile fell into a grimace, "I wish Abby were here, she'd be laughing and telling us we should start a compost pile and trying to figure out ways to make banana muffins. You guys aren't anything like her. You guys suck."

Michael looked up from where he'd been navigating, "You wanted to come," he reminded.

"Yeah but why did Jin have to come, Abby could've taken his place, she has one up on him, she speaks the same language as the rest of us."

* * *

"God, why couldn't Lizzie come with us?" Abby whined as she dragged her feet through the dirt, not really feeling like walking anymore.

Kate turned and looked over her shoulder at the girl, "For the last time Lizzie wanted to go on the raft."

"If Lizzie came, she could've taken Kate's place," she continued as if Kate hadn't said anything at all, "Then it would be a lot more fun and a whole lot less bitchy."

"Alex," Rousseau grabbed Abby's shoulders in disappointment.

"I'm sorry momma, but Kate really annoys me, she doesn't care about my feelings and she's smelly."

"Oh," Rousseau nodded and moved to tackle Kate when Locke and Jack stopped her.

"Look let's just get the dynamite and get back, we don't have long before The Others come," with that said Jack picked up his pace as the group made their way deeper into the jungle.

Abby continued her slow pace and rambling as if nothing had even happened, "This trek would be a lot more fun if Charlie was here. He would sing and dance and do merry hobbit jigs."

"Hey," Kate called as they came to a clearing, "Is that the ship?" she pointed to a large ship that seemed misplaced in the jungle.

"No it's another big wooden ship," Abby grunted as she moved into it.

"Alex, darling," Rousseau beckoned her back out, "this is where I must leave you. Take care of yourself and I will see you soon," she called back as she disappeared back into the forest.

"What?" Abby questioned, "Mommy?"

There was no answer.

Abby cried and fell to her knees, "Why is everyone abandoning me!"

* * *

Lizzie kicked Sawyer in the knee, "That's what you get for almost trying to dis Abby," the girl explained.

"I haven't said a damn word for the last fifteen minutes," Sawyer protested as he grabbed his knee.

A cruel smile grew on Lizzie's face as she thought of a grand idea, "Hey, how about we play that game again."

She was slowly making her way towards the man and he was not fond of the look on her face. He began to push himself backwards, "Get this animal away from me."

"Oh you did not," Lizzie shouted as she pounced for him, but he managed to roll away at the final second and she ended up hitting the boat with force. "Owie!"

There was a plop from the rear end of the boat and all occupants turned towards the mysterious sound. Michael crept forward and looked at the ocean illuminated by the moonlight, "That was our rudder."

"Look what you did," Lizzie exclaimed as she reached forward and began punching Sawyer again.

He fought to keep her at bay, "I didn't do anything," he was warding off fists, "It was all you."

"I jumped for you and missed, this wouldn't have happened if you had just let me kick the crap out of you. Everyone else gets to do it," with one final blow Lizzie pushed him over the edge of the raft, "Go get the rudder."

Sawyer merely floated in the water for a few seconds before staring back blankly at Lizzie, "Go get it you big oaf," she screamed and then turned around to find Michael, Walt and Jin all staring at her, "What he did it, I swear."

When nothing was said in return she turned her back to them and muttered, "Abby would've agreed."

Sawyer's hands came right by her sneaker clad feet, and he threw the rudder back up on the boat, "There you go Queen Shiva, now can I come back on the damn boat?"

"I supposed," Lizzie moved away and allowed him to get back up on the rickety raft, and it was then that she noticed something shining in his pile of belongings. "Hey," she ran over to the objects and picked it up, "Sawyer has a gun."

* * *

"I don't think you should be going in there," Jack declared as he Kate and Locke stood at the entrance of the old boat and watched as Abby crept deeper into the darkness.

"Pfft," Abby waved her hand in dismissal, "I've been here like infinity times before. Me and Lizzie play Pirates of Craphole Island here all the time and nothing has ever happened. The only reason something might happen is because you three spazzes are tripped out on steroids and it's making you twitchy and nervous like those cocaine addicted mice in that Biology video me and Lizzie had to watch."

"Guys," Some Guy appeared out of nowhere once again, "Dynamite is very temperamental."

Abby turned her back again and continued moving into the boat, "no one cares," Abby paused and crinkled her nose in disgust, "Eww, it smells worse than Kate in here."

Kate rolled her eyes and she, Jack and Locke followed Abby inwards and began exploring. Skeletons sat shackled to the northern wall of the boat, the grotesque sight caused the group to stop and stand in silence.

"Always with the S&M," Abby muttered as she shook her head and made her way to a box of dynamite, "Here's some."

The guys approached with Kate trailing them, and carrying a very large pickaxe, "I'll open it with this."

"Are you an idiot?" Abby exclaimed, "You want to open a box of dynamite with a pickaxe, why don't you just use my lighter and burn them out."

Jack gesticulated to Locke and then the box, "Come on, let's get out of here."

"No, let Kate carry it," Abby insisted, "That way if it blows up, she's the only one who goes with it."

From the opening Some Guy yelled, "You guys, dynamite is temperamental."

* * *

The entire populace of the raft was staring at Sawyer in awe as he pulled his legs back onto the craft. He glared at Lizzie, "Give me that back."

"Or what?" Lizzie taunted.

Michael came up and stood equal to the girl, "Yeah man, or what?"

Walt followed his father's lead, "What were you gonna do with that anyways? Kill us all and use us as bait for the sharks?"

"You stay out of this Little Jiminy," Lizzie pushed him to the side, "This is my interrogation room."

Walt glanced up to his dad with a look of sheer puzzlement, then back at the girl before him, "This is a raft."

"Don't you get sassy with me boy," Lizzie waved the gun around in the air.

Sawyer growled, and reached for the gun, "it's my damn gun, now give it back."

Lizzie aimed the gun directly at Sawyer and smiled superiorly, "Don't you yell at me Mr. I-Think-You-Forget-Who-Has-The-Gun."

Jin approached Lizzie cautiously from the left, then waved for the gun.

"Yeah right, like I'm going to give the gun to some Korean who doesn't speak English," Lizzie shouted and then hurled the gun pass Sawyer and into the water, "There, no more gun."

Sawyer's teeth gritted inside of his mouth, "You bitch." His body jerked forward as he lunged for her, "That was our only form of protection."

Lizzie hurriedly pulled out one of the leftover knives that she had stolen from Locke, "Should we go fishing with some Sawyer skin?"

Michael situated himself between the two of them, "Put that away."

"Oh yeah," Lizzie pouted as she returned the knife to her purse, "you yell at the girl with the knife but not the guy with the gun. And I've never even killed anyone like Sawyer has."

Everyone looked at Sawyer in shock.

"I mean, man it's getting dark out…."

* * *

"The dynamite is very temperamental," Some Guy enlightened once again as he herded everyone away from the open box.

"I swear, if you say that one more time, I'll cut you," Abby threatened from where she reclined against a tree, "Dynamite isn't the only thing that's temperamental."

He shook his head and went back to the dynamite, "We're only taking as much as this as we need," he informed as he gazed at the indolent sticks.

"And Kate wanted to open it with a pickaxe," Abby reminded sarcastically.

"Kate, give me your shirt," the man demanded, he was kneeling next to the box and the mud. She looked at him incredulously and he continued, "Just give me your shirt, Princess."

"No," Abby interrupted as she pushed Jack forward and Kate to the side, "Jack should give you his shirt."

Kate rolled her eyes and took off the dress shirt she wore over her tank top.

"Eww," Abby protested, "no one wants to see that."

She threw the shirt over to Some Guy, who was still explaining about dynamite, "It blows everything up," he was rambling as he rolled the dynamite into the mud-soaked shirt. Finally he stood up with a small smirk of pride he informed, "Dynamite is very temper--"

On the last word he blew up into a hailstorm of Some Guy pieces.

* * *

The only light on the small vessel was the small oil lamp that sat atop the radar. Lizzie stared at it like a moth entranced by a flame.

"I'm so bored," she exclaimed as she rolled over onto her back.

"Shhh," Jin explained from her right. She sent a glance over to him and saw he was pointing to the outline of a sleeping Walt.

"Don't you 'shhh' me you bastard, you say nothing all day and now you 'shhh' me? I could care less if that brat is sleeping. He could be stolen for all I care. Stolen right now!" Lizzie shouted.

When Jin only stared at her blankly, she sighed and pulled out a deck of cards from her purse and began to play solitaire with herself. Suddenly in the silence of the night there was a beeping.

"What's that?" Walt asked rubbing his eyes as he woke up.

Michael ran over to the radar, and smiled, "I think, I think it's a ship or something."

Sawyer was rustling through all the cargo on board, "Where's the damn flare?"

Pulling the flare gun from the back of her pants Lizzie aimed the gun at the sky and pulled the trigger sending up a flash of light while still winning her solitaire game.

Everyone just looked to her with their mouths hanging agape.

"What?" she questioned still paying attention to her game, "That's what you were going to do, wasn't it?"

Michael was about to answer when he noticed a light approaching them, "Look a light, everyone wave!"

Everyone began to gleefully jump up and down, shaking the raft, "Oh my God can you not do that right now? I was winning my game." But everyone was too focused on the light to answer her.

"I think they see us," Walt exclaimed as the other boat stopped directly in front of the raft.

Lizzie didn't even have a chance for a smart-alecky response because the others pulled out the guns they were hiding.

"Hand over the kid and no one gets hurt," Said some old guy.

* * *

Pieces of Some Guy were falling everywhere, "It's raining men," Abby exclaimed as she ran into the jungle for some protection.

"He just blew up," Kate marveled as she stared at the smoking spot where the man had previously been, "Poor Arntz"

"Who the hell is Arntz?" Abby questioned as she dusted off her shoulders.

Locke pointed to some of the pieces that fell off Abby's shirt, "That was Arntz."

Abby sniffled, "I just called him 'Some Guy'. It was our thing, he would tell me about dynamite and how temperamental it was and I would ignore him. Now he's dead. Pieces of him decorating the trees like morbid Christmas ornaments."

"Come on," Jack pressed, "He have to get the dynamite to the hatch."

"Okay Mr. Freeze, God not only do you have no heart but you win the award for the stupidest suggestion ever. I'm not going near the dynamite now," Abby took to large steps back.

"We have to get going," Locke agreed with Jack and both men crouched in front of the box, "We'll carry the dynamite."

Kate approached them, "I want to carry some too."

"Oh you've got to be kidding me," Abby turned her head towards the sky, "There's pieces of Some Guy in my hair and you want to carry the dynamite?"

"It's too dangerous Kate," Jack answered with a stern shake of his head.

"Jack, I want to," She protested.

"Just take the damn box and let's go already!"

* * *

Clouds zipped by the window as the soft humming of Oceanic Flight 815's engine droned on in the background.

"This sucks," Lizzie complained as she fidgeted in her chair. When she received no answer from her traveling companion she nudged her, "What is it, Abs?"

Her friend was turned towards the window, eyes focused intently on the sky, and after a few moments without a reply, she turned towards Lizzie and announced, "There's something on the wing."

With a deadpan face, Abby repeated, "Something on the wing."

For a few minutes both girls did nothing until they simultaneously burst out into laughter, "That never gets old," Lizzie sighed.

From behind their seats a blonde girl appeared, "Look if you two retards are done screwing around, I'd like to watch the movie." Her face was full of rage and very serious.

Lizzie spun around so she was face to face with the girl, "I'm not done screwing around, in fact, I have several more hours on this flight to screw around with, and I will enjoy said time." With that she turned around and started waving her head in front of the television screen so the blonde girl couldn't see.

From behind them they heard a male voice say, "Shannon, calm down."

"See this is fun," Abby gave her friend a nudge.

"I guess," Lizzie agreed, "But I still would've preferred flying in a Hello Kitty airplane."

Abby sighed and placed her head in her hands, "I keep telling you we can only get a Hello Kitty airplane if we're flying to or from Japan."

"So why can't we go to Japan?" Lizzie questioned.

"Because I don't want to flying in a stupid Hello Kitty airplane," Abby shouted with a sudden outburst.

Another few moments of silence passed between the two as they looked awkwardly in opposite directions.

"Who do you think flies the Hello Kitty airplane?" Lizzie finally asked.

Abby sighed and threw up her hands in defeat, "Hello Kitty, I suppose."

* * *

"Why would you want a little boy?" Lizzie questioned as she looked the scraggily bearded man over a few times, "Hey, you're not one of those creeps who looks up kids on the internet and then ends up on Dateline NBC are you?"

He looked at her with disbelief and then cleared his throat, "No, just give us the boy."

"All right," Lizzie nodded and began to direct Walt towards the other ship.

Michael ran out and grabbed his son by the shoulder, "What are you doing?" he questioned heatedly.

"What they asked, and the kid is kind of annoying so, two birds with one stone," she explained.

"They're not taking my son," Michael elaborated.

Lizzie leaned closer to him, "Do you want them to shoot us?"

"Would've been nice to have a gun right about now," Sawyer mumbled.

"Quiet you," Lizzie demanded.

The man on the boat cocked his gun, "Hand over the child."

Lizzie turned and looked at him with wide, irritated eyes, "I'm trying to, God!"

"No," Michael disagreed and pulled his son closer to him.

A gunshot rang out and then a splash could be heard from the side of the boat, then only laughter was heard.

"They shot Sawyer," Lizzie chuckled whole-heartedly as she held her stomach.

Jin's eyes grew wide and he jumped into the water after his companion.

"What are you doing?" Lizzie questioned as she bent over to get a better look of the men in the water, "Leave that wanker."

A high pitched shriek suddenly cut through the night and when Lizzie turned back around she noticed herself alone on the raft which had somehow caught fire. The other boat started up and she ran to the edge, "Take me with you, I'm kind of a kid still."

They didn't even stop for a second look, so quickly Lizzie gathered all the food she could find and began shoving it into her purse.

"Shit," she exclaimed as she jumped onto a large piece of the raft that would stay afloat, "There's no way I'm getting all wet."

She grabbed the rudder that came off with no fight, and began to row away from the boat until she was at a safe distance. Then said her goodbyes to the fool raft that was once again burning into the night, and watched as it blew up.

She sighed, Abby would've loved it. The girl loved explosions.

* * *

"I can't believe it took us forty-five minutes to decide who was going to carry the stupid dynamite. We walked to the stupid ship quicker than that," Abby complained as she crossed a river with the group. "And I don't remember a river."

"It's a shortcut," Locke called from a block in front of her.

"What?" Abby called.

"A shortcut," he hollered back.

"What?" she yelled again.

"Try to keep up," Jack's voice echoed through the jungle but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Why do we have to stagger our walking anyways?" Abby muttered, "It's not like if we don't get blown up by dynamite, we won't get eaten by the Others."

No one answered her and the jungle fell silent. The wind was still and the birds quiet, the only remaining sound was Abby complaining to herself.

"Of course everyone has to walk ahead of me because they're afraid I'm going to blow up even though I'm the only one who's not carrying any dynamite," She muttered as she kicked a decent sized rock, "I hope one of them falls and takes the other two out. I hope it's Kate."

There was an odd twittering sound as a shadow flashed through some nearby trees.

"Oh great, now I'm being stalked by some incarnation of the devil," she stopped and set her backpack on the ground with a dissatisfied huff.

"All right, Other, come on, come get me. Come and take me to your barbeque and eat my babies."

Nothing greeted her in response and for a moment she stood in awe.

"Okay, Giant Monster that looks like a mixture of the special effects from House on Haunted Hill and Darkness Falls, come and eat me like I'm a pilot."

The trees stood still as the sun came out from behind the clouds and shone between the leaves.

"Okay, Zombie Boone, come and eat my delicious licorice brains, come on for the past week I've been doing Sudokus and crosswords for like eighteen hours a day, my head is an all-you-can-eat buffet."

Clinking and roaring came from nearby. Abby followed her instincts and ran as fast as her legs would carry her through the jungle.

Jumping over a ridge she landed on her knees in the dirt and scrambled to her feet to find Kate and Jack holding Locke from falling down a hole in the ground.

Kate looked up, alarm filling her eyes, "Abby help us."

"Get some dynamite from my pack and throw it down the hole," Jack ordered as he struggled to keep his hold on Locke.

"Oh screw this," Abby exclaimed as she ran away from the group and into the jungle.

* * *

Five hours into the flight the girls were starting to get restless. So on a whim; they started to rummage through Lizzie's purse.

"Hey do you have any opera music?" Abby questioned as she held a pile of about sixteen CDs.

Lizzie nodded, "Yeah I love that Diva Dance song," she began to sing it horribly and at the top of her lungs.

"Hey," Abby pointed to the comic book she'd been reading, "Hey, hey," she tapped Lizzie's arm trying to get her attention, "This guy looks like Dr. Phil," she yelled victoriously as she pointed to her Buffy comic, "Dr. Phil is in my Buffy comic and I can't tell any of the characters apart because they all look the same."

Lizzie giggled, "I just got it."

Abruptly the stewardess showed up with her cart, "Would you like something to drink?"

"No," Lizzie said sternly.

Abby shook her head and replied politely, "No thank you."

"Are you sure? It's a long flight to LA?" she asked pleasantly.

"NO!" Lizzie growled.

The lady shrugged her shoulders and rolled the cart away.

Abby leaned over to get a better look at the cart, "Those would be really good for making roller blades out of," she stated randomly.

Lizzie nodded in agreement, then went back to singing her song, even louder this time.

"Oh my God, can you like not?" Shannon questioned as she popped up from behind the seats again.

Lizzie was about to sing louder when the stewardess pushed the cart by again, this time accidentally bumping Lizzie in the elbow.

"Jesus," Lizzie screamed and held her bruised funny bone.

The stewardess turned around and smiled, "I'm sorry dear, did you need a drink?"

Lizzie glared at her until she turned and continued down the row.

"Hey want to piss off the stewardess?" Lizzie suggested.

"Do I?" Abby said gleefully and the girls started pushing the red button above their heads repeatedly to call her back.

She arrived with a smile, "What can I get your girls?"

"Hi," Lizzie greeted sassily.

"Would you like a drink?" Abby questioned the lady.

She stared blankly and replied, "No thank you," her voice a bit flustered.

"I'm sorry," Lizzie shook her head, "We don't have that kind of drink."

As the lady left, Lizzie high-fived Abby as they giggled.

"Okay, again," Abby declared as Lizzie started smashing the button.

The lady returned but this time her smile was missing.

"Hi," greeted Abby.

"Hi," replied the stewardess.

"Do you have any sushi?" Lizzie questioned.

"Umm, no, I don't think so," the lady replied with her thick Australian accent.

"Well what the hell kind of plane is this?" Lizzie shouted angrily.

Abby nodded in agreement, "yeah I bet the Hello Kitty airplane has sushi galore."

"I'm sorry," the lady apologized.

"You'd better be sorry," Lizzie shouted and the lady left. When she was out of sight, Lizzie turned to her friend, "Again?"

"Mmm, yeah," Abby said as she mashed the button once again. The lady looked out from behind the curtain and shook her head at the girls and then returned back inside.

Lizzie crossed her arms, "She totally just ignored us."

"Push it again," Abby yelled and Lizzie did so, "Faster!"

"If I go any faster my finger will fall off," Lizzie screamed, "You do it."

After fifteen minutes of time elapse, someone finally came, but it wasn't the lady.

"Hey where's the lady?" Lizzie questioned.

"Yeah we could've been choking or dying," Abby added.

"Well," A voice came from behind Abby, as a young man appeared, "I am a lifeguard."

Lizzie pushed Abby out of the way and leaned against the back of the chair, "Really?" and then she resorted to fake choking.

* * *

"God did you guys lose your way or your minds or something? Your short cut took you eight extra hours. It's dark, I'm tired and I don't even care what the hell is in the hatch," Abby practically screamed from where she paced on top of the hatch, "It's probably just a giant Jack-In-The-Box anyways."

Jack and Kate merely sent her unimpressed looks as Locke sent an eerie smile, "Well if you would've helped us…"

Abby's head shot up, "I'm not a team player, I've made it very clear and you guys never remember. I don't like you; I don't like people in general. I don't even like me that much right now because I actually put up with you bullshit. I hate sports, I hate school spirit and I hate mostly anything that isn't sitting and doing nothing, like this is."

Locke cleared his throat, "Than why are you here now, Abigail?"

She raised an eyebrow, "First off, none of that Abigail crap. Second, I like explosions, so get on with it already," she jumped off the hatch and approached the others.

"Alright," Locke began, "Abby, you run the wire and—"

She abruptly cut him off, "I didn't say I was going to help."

Locke paused for a moment, then continued, "Alright, Kate you lay the wire while Jack and I set up the dynamite."

"They're making you lay the wire because you would spaz out and blow us all up if you came close to the dynamite," Abby informed cruelly.

Kate sent her a glare, "If you're not going to help just stand there and be quiet."

Abby shoved her hands in the pockets of her blue jeans and turned away from Kate, "Jeez, I only meant to say you're incapable, is all."

Jack and Locke sent her a look and she raised her hands defensively and backed away, "Everyone's so delicate."

"It's all set up," Jack called.

"Let's light this bitch up," Abby yelled as she ran and jumped behind a bush, to wait for the fireworks. Jack and Kate followed her while Locke lit the fuse.

"Wait," A voice suddenly screamed as Hurley ran out of the jungle waving his arms like a madman, "Don't light it, the numbers are bad."

Abby jumped to her feet, "No, interrupting explosions is bad, so shut up"

Locke ignored both sides of yelling and lit the fuse then ran for cover.

"No!" Hurley shouted, and began to stomp at the lit fuse.

Abby shot from her spot and over to Hurley, "I'm so arresting your ass this time," she yelled as she tackled him to the ground.

"Both of you get down," Jack called as he tackled both Hurley and Abby to the ground just as the hatch exploded.

* * *

"Look," the increasingly disheveled looking stewardess began. The button on her lapel was undone and her hair littered with knots, "I'm getting annoyed with you and you're obviously getting tired of annoying me."

Lizzie took the ruler that had been lying indolently at her side and moved it up to press the red button without getting out of her slouched position, "Actually it's not really getting to us."

The stewardess sighed, "I don't know what it is with all you passengers and being inconsolable. I had to give the doctor in steerage an extra two bottles of vodka just to keep him quiet. And the blonde girl behind you won't shut up about not being in first class."

"You know what, could you like shut up? I'm still trying to watch the movie," Shannon complained from behind their seats.

The stewardess continued, "And the paralyzed guy keeps dropping stuff on purpose and making me pick it up."

"We didn't ask for your life story," Abby groaned.

"Besides you have nothing to offer us that will take away the pleasures of annoying you," Lizzie added.

The stewardess smiled deviously, "How would you girls like a trip to the cockpit?"

"Yeah," Lizzie screamed as she jumped out of her chair and pushed the stewardess down in the aisle. "What are you waiting for Abby, let's go."

The two girls ran through first class, pushing past a short, druggie looking guy who was racing for the bathrooms.

"Oh no you don't," Lizzie yelled as she shook her fist at the guy and pushed him to the ground.

Abby gave him a second glance, "Liz, I think he's having a big wiggins."

"I don't bloody care," Lizzie yelled as she grabbed her friends arm and pulled her the last few feet to the cockpit.

When the door opened, they felt a sudden wave of freedom. All the buttons that must be pressed.

"Wow," Lizzie exclaimed, "Is this what it looks like?"

"Hey, what does this button do?" Abby questioned pointing to a button that was large, red, and had the words 'do not push' on it.

"Hey, are those seats comfy?" Lizzie asked.

"Can we sit in them?" Abby asked right after her friend.

"Are you actually flying?"

"Is it standard or automatic?"

"Can I fly it?"

"Hey I want to help fly too!"

"What's this lever thing?"

"Can you guys talk secretly over those headsets?"

"Is there a secret code?"

"Can you watch movies while flying?"

"Can you shoot people from the air with the plane?"

"Oh my God, that would be so cool," Lizzie exclaimed, "It would be like that video game with the flying and the shooting."

The pilots looked at the girls and said nothing.

"Ummm," Abby sent a sideways glance to her friend, "Do you guys want some vodka, because your one stewardess is basically just giving it away?" she questioned so that the pilots wouldn't see her friend sneaking around them to grab the steering wheel.

"Hey, this is so cool. Abs you got to try this," Lizzie shouted with her hands at ten and two.

"Hey, you can't touch that," one of the pilots protested.

"Who are you? MC Hammer?" Abby questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Lizzie agreed as she began slapping the pilot, "Don't tell me what I can't do."

The other pilot attempted to take hold of Lizzie, but she was squirming, "Abby get the other wheel."

Abby ran to the other wheel and pushed the pilot out of his seat and to the floor. Lizzie in all of her squirminess didn't notices when the pilot fell and accidentally knocked him out with her purse.

"Opps," she exclaimed, "my bad."

"Pfft," Abby blew it off, "Who cares; now we get to drive this baby. What's it's speed?"

"I don't know?" Lizzie answered.

"Well take it up to seventy," Abbby demanded as she put the headgear on.

"Okay, I get to be Hello Kitty," Lizzie said as she pressed random buttons, "Meow."

"Oh no," Abby pointed out the front window, "What's that?"

Lizzie cranked the wheel to one side and exclaimed "It's a tornado!"

The girls pretended there's was a giant one in front of the plane and began to turn both wheels in the opposite directions.

"Oh shit, we're gonna crash," Lizzie screamed.

Abby grasp the wheel tightly, "Pull it up, pull it up."

"I can't, it's stuck."

Both girls looked at each other, then simultaneously abandoned their posts and ran out of the cockpit. They rushed down the aisle, pushing the stewardess to the floor once again.

In the confusion they ran right pass their seats and through to near the middle of the plane. That was when Abby tripped.

"Officer down," she called as she lied on her stomach reaching her hand out towards her friend. "Just leave without me."

"No one gets left behind, Cadet," Lizzie announced and hulled her friend up.

Noticing two empty seats behind an unconscious bleeding man, and a girl with insane curly hair, they moved directly to them.

"Strap in," Abby screamed.

"Roger," Lizzie shouted.

The plane was beginning to bump and jerk as it took its nosedive.

"Those pilots suck at driving the plane," Lizzie complained.

Abby looked out the window, "Oh my God, there's something on the wing."

"We're all gonna die," Lizzie yelled and the girls laughed together.

They screamed and cheered, raising their arms above their heads like if they were on a roller coaster. When suddenly a piece of the plane outside of the window lit on fire.

"Shit," Lizzie pointed out the window.

Suddenly the speed of the plane became faster and the oxygen masks fell down before them. The back of the plane ripped off and people began to fly out from all around them.

"Wooohooo," Lizzie yelled excitedly, "This is freaking awesome, best ride ever and super cool masks."

"Where do you think we're going to land?" Abby questioned as she looked behind her, then to the side of her.

"Water or land. Hopefully not an unchartered island with baby eating natives."

* * *

"Would you stop trying to mount me?" Abby yelled as she pushed Jack from off top of her, "Control yourself, Doctor."

Hurley was already on his feet beside them, "You blew it up," he yelled hysterically, "you blew it up and the numbers are bad."

"What numbers?" Jack asked as Kate helped him to his feet.

Hurley looked at him, "Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two."

"Huh, that's weird," Abby thought aloud as she stood with her arms akimbo, "You'd think thirteen would be in there somewhere."

Locke pointed to the hatch, "Look, it's opened."

Standing up slowly, he began to walk towards the opening when Abby pushed herself by Jack and Kate, knocking them down once again, and body checked Locke, "Out of the way gramps."

He was right. The lid of the hatch had been blown off, and with a sturdy roundhouse kick, Abby pushed it off and eagerly looked inside.

"There's nothing in here," Abby called out disappointedly.

"What?" Locke questioned skeptically, and moved beside her at the edge of the opening.

Abby looked at Locke and pushed him back so he was out of the way. Leaning over the hole, she looked down and saw nothing but eternal darkness. Cupping her hands over her mouth she called out, "Hello?"

* * *

_It's over! And it's sad! But don't you want to review and tell us how much you loved it? And your favorite parts? (we love hearing about your favorite parts!) And even though it's sad, what could make it a little better? Some notes onf the story!!!  
- The song I sing at the beginning is Love Today by Mika. I always sing this song.  
- Hello Kitty airplane does exist. My friend was telling me about it and how Hello Kitty must drive it.  
- House and Haunted Hill and Darkness Falls are my two favorite movies. And the monster does look like the monster in both of them.  
- Delicious licorice is probably my favorite saying because it's audibly pleasing (A close second is Man pride, child bride)  
- I do bruise very easily.  
- We were listening to opera while we wrote this story, and Lizzie wanted to include it. The song she mentions is fromt eh movie Fifth Element.  
- Likewise, while she took her turn of writing, I was reading my Buffy the Vampire Slayer comic, and bitching about how I couldn't tell any of the blonde characters apart, and then I found a guy who looked like Dr. Phil and of course we stopped writing for like 3 hours to marvel at it.  
- 'I'll cut you' is my threat for basically anything. It started when someone tried to hand be a flyer and I blurted it out.  
- Lastly the 'Pfft' thing I always say and wave my hand is an actual mannerism that I have and do very often. That's why it's in a few of the chapters._

It's been fun, and I hope you enjoyed: 

_**Abby and Lizzie Mighty Magical Mystical Marvelous Alliteration of a Lost Epic Quest!**_


End file.
